Just go

Aionna
Arionna enjoys nature, there is no doubt about that. Everyone knows she has a love (perhaps abnormal love) of the world outside. That makes places like the aquarium enjoyable for her to be around, though she's not entirely sure how she feels about exhibits that flaunt mythical creatures around as if they were real. Magic? Shapeshifting? Sure. Mermaids? That doesn't even make sense. That's two torsos of separate families smashed together. How does that even work?

She's not entirely over her rough night at the library, a fact that is resting underneath her eyes in the form of 'bags' or 'dark circles.' She doesn't even care if people notice. What difference will it make anyhow? Despite it, she's not one to often wander around in grunge, or...whatever that style is anymore. The yoga pants? Ugg Boots? The casual stuff that girls wear when they wake up and feel like only spending a few seconds on dressing.Her dark hair is decorated with a spiked headband; an accessory she loves because it adds a sort of 'crown' to her head without making her into a Disney princess. And the warming weather has allowed her to wear something more casual and cool. It's a dress, to be specific, with only thin straps to hold it up and lacing at the bodice to tighten (or loosen) as one sees fit. The black cloth hangs above her knees, falling down and back in an asymmetrical pattern. The clothing is one of the very few things she enjoys about the warming weather.

Arionna stood at an amphibian exhibit, her bag at her hip, and a dark jean jacket to keep her warm enough as the population grew overly excited at the arrival of spring. Elijah, and she, had made arrangements to come. To what end she never really knew. Their encounter last night left her running away, as was often the case, and certainly that would make things awkward (ok more awkward) now. Ari sighed softly, sliding her finger along the pendant at her neck, almost out of comfort.

Elijah
[don't have a panic attack at the aquarium]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 7, 10, 10) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
[And being surrounded by water doesn't completely freak me out. Manip+sub]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (6, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10) ( success x 7 )

Elijah
He doesn't leave well enough alone. After things had left the previous night with Jenn, one would think that Elijah would be licking his wounds and avoiding the subtle press of a bruised ego, but he wasn't. There he was, Tee shirt and vest and a pair of khakis that didn't exactly fit loose- because he couldn't wear jeans all the time and these were clean. He should be afraid. He should be daunted by their last encounter but there he is-

Bright. Striving. Fearless. (Not fearless. He was afraid. There was a tension in his frame and a subtle hitch to his breathing and something that was just a little too shallow because he knew if things broke there would be nothing he could do, there would be water and that would be the end or the beginning or the end and the beginning and that initial moment of fight is always the worst when you're drowning. Before the peace of knowing it's over. He never reached that peace.)

But he arrived. Calm and collected and pleased as pie. Or punch. Or something else that starts with a P and one could be as pleased as.

"So, mermaids," he announces, as though this was enough herald for his arrival.

Aionna
[You ok there Eli boy?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (1, 3, 4, 7, 8) ( success x 2 )

Aionna
She's not as perceptive as some people, even though she prides herself on being a good observer. If he is tense, she doesn't realize it. If he's scared, she doesn't notice. Elijah is just Elijah, though somehow he always makes her second guess even coming, though not because she dislikes him.

"Aren't real." Arionna finished his words for him, whether he meant to say that or not. "They're creations of men's imaginations in an effort to believe in something beautiful, something magnificent that can't be obtained but will always instill hope whenever they board a ship. I'm certain, if mermaids exist, the real things aren't nearly as beautiful as people want them to be."

"Of course, mermaid myth also entails them attempting to drown sailors, so perhaps it's also meant to be a warning to men that women, particularly beautiful women, are dangerous creatures. Regardless, it's a male fantasy." It made her wonder what woman would want to dress as one and wander around the aquarium. Arionna couldn't see herself doing that. Besides, what would she be? A shark? Octopus? Perhaps she's far more like Ursula and less like Ariel. She did rather like Ursula.

Ari turned enough to look at him. "We ought to get you a tailcoat, to go with your vest. If you're going to be dapper, might as well go all the way."

Elijah
"You don't know that they're not real. These aren't real, but  there isn't definite proof that there are no such things as mermaids, nor where there ever such things as mermaids. I read a graphic novel where merpeople were the villains and it was terrifying."

A beat.

"And legend says if you eat mermaid flesh you stop aging. Not that would would want to, but those eternal youth myths always entertain me because I'm never sure if it is you stop aging or you die and you are young forever in memory." Because that's what happened when people died. He was tense, but he fakes it, fakes it like he's always faked it, and pushes through because it would seem that being uncomfortable just didn't occur to him. his body lies in ways that his mind can't fathom. He has things pushed into muscle memory, faking everything to a state of being perfectly fine and calm and everything is exactly as it should be. His feathers don't get ruffled, except for when they do.

And oh heavens, do they ever.

"You know,I kind of want a tailcoat? I've got a three piece suit that has become my go to for formal events," he said, "needed somewhere to put the pocketwatch."

Aionna
"I'm confident that they aren't real. Should I be wrong, they won't be wonderful creatures, nor look like gorgeous women. Men don't need  beautiful sea monsters. There are plenty of us on land."

"Or perhaps you don't die, but you simply are paralyzed, stuck in your own mind. You'll never age, never die, and remain as a statue for all eternity. Would certainly be justice for killing an animal for terrible intentions. Because let us say that such things exist. They are likely some favored creature of the gods. They have a purpose. When man attempts to usurp that purpose to their own ends, it serves them well to suffer deeply for it."

Arionna lifted her chin a little, pretending (much like Elijah's fear pretend) that they hadn't met last night, and she hadn't helped him, and no, she hadn't walked away with her emotions about to burst at the seams. "I've never sewn, but it is something I could attempt. I have time." It wouldn't be too difficult right? To acquire a sewing machine? To learn something new? It might even be good for her.

Elijah
"Of course they won't be wonderful, unicorns? Unicorns have a nasty habit of goring anything that isn't a virgin," he doesn't bring up Jenn and her own fascination with unicorns, and how she'd held out as long as she could to not have sex because there was a chance that, someday, maybe there would be unicorns. Maybe they would be real and she could actually see them, but she'd given up that dream along with a number of things. People die, people live, changes happen, and we grow up.

The tiny things, the little facts that stick around.

"See, I've never sewn either. I also just went camping for the first time, so there's plenty of time to try new things. I started running, but as it turns out running sucks."

Aionna
"The horn has to serve some purpose. I don't find them particularly interesting. They're equines with horns. How boring. I'd have a far more interest in a Chimera." They could stand there all day in one place, or they could move. Ari chose to begin walking along the viewing path, assuming Elijah would follow.

"So you've become a cardio-bunny. Suits you. Your physique is better suited for track sports. You're built more as a fox than a wolf, I think."

Elijah
"They're more like goats than horses, generally? They've got the tail of a lion, the head of a horse, and the body of a goat and the beard. They're kind of close to horses, but generally the horned horse thing is kind of a crapshoot," he said, clearly either up on his mythical creatures of completely capable of bullshitting. Of all the things he could be interested in, this seemed to be one of those things.

He walks along the viewing path with her, in proximity but not touching. Hands lose at his sides, eyes bright and alert (hyper-vigilant, aware of how badly things could go wrong). "I've never been strong," he said, "my dad is built like a linebacker though."

Elijah was, at that juncture, fishing out his phone to pull up a picture. Now, he does bring it over, and the two of them are together- clearly Elijah must take after his mother because the two of them look nothing alike save for the way they stand. The resemblance is one that is nurtured instead of one brought out in nature. The man is a good four inches taller than Elijah, his chest thick, his arms solid, his smile reaches his eyes and he seems... hardworking. Honest. Exasperated with his son, but in that picture Elijah had longer hair and a tongue stud so, really, who wouldn't be exasperated?

Aionna
"Still seems rather boring. Both are prey, both are herbivores. Neither seem particularly interested in virgins. Would be far more interesting if they have a preference in order to sacrifice them. Perhaps these unicorns simply like the taste of virgin meat, unsullied by masculine influences, tender, much like veal."

"Oh?" She tilted her head, glancing to him as he pulled out his phone. She stopped to get a good look at the picture, and found it surprisingly...amusing. "You were slightly abnormal once. It's a nice change. Your father looks nice. I assume you gained your disposition from him."

Elijah
"You're presuming that female virgins and male virgins don't both taste fantastic," he said, "for all I know, dude virgins are a delicacy because seriously,it's hard to be celibate."

True story, like he had ever tried, though. Hard to imagine.

"He told me in no uncertain terms that I would take that damn thing out because it would give my grandmother a heart attack and she was old and close to being dead and when she dies I could do whatever I wanted but damnit the woman is sticking around just to spite me, I swear," he snickered. Content to toy with death, or at least be amused by it. "He means well, gets worried, kind of panics and he's an angry panciker, but he didn't have a temper, ya know? And heaven knows I gave him plenty of reasons to lose his temper."

Aionna
"Do you think it more difficult for one to be celibate over the other? Women has just as much of a desire for sex as men. We're simply punished for it. I imagine virgins generally to taste dull overall. The difference between regular cows and cows on special diets. One is boring and simple, the other has more flavor because of its experience. Herbivores don't generally have the best understanding of what meat tastes best. They'd be terrible chefs."

Her brows lifted a little. "If a piercing is likely to give her a heart attack, she would have already died. Though, are they in Denver? Proximity is the key. If there is no proximity, there is no need to follow through. Ignorance is bliss for most people."

She pressed her lips together. "Isn't it the role of the offspring to upset the parents? Challenge them? Philosophically speaking. You are, after all, a separate organism, with your own desires. He can't expect you to be as he wants. None of us have control over the other."

Elijah
"I think it's just difficult in general, but there's an undue societal pressure for men to be... I dunno... verile? Like, see Lysistrata- same desires, same everythings. Equality of desire is part of what makes the play hilarious. but it's a weird paradox, men are expected to fuck everything, women are expected to fuck nothing except one specific person, and it's kinda bullshit. Too much heartache over something that's freaking delightfully fun."

He laughed, though the sound was a little sad. Something he doesn't try to hide at this point, "I don't think he cares at this point, I think he's mostly glad that I'm not in rehab and I haven't killed myself. We had to readjust our standards."

Aionna
"Is it? Fun I mean. Plenty of novels and short stories to make it seem that way. Certainly serves a purpose. Though how much exactly? Is there anything that can compare? Or perhaps supersede it?"

Ari let out a small sigh and took a seat at one of the benches, setting her bag on the ground. "Sometimes, people forget what's important. Or maybe they don't even know to begin with. They expect things, desire things because it's expected of them. Social obligations, you see. I despise them personally, they make humans even greater monsters than they are. People...who could be good, let it overcome them. But then sometimes things happen. Something important. And people see that what they expected before was obscene. That it wasn't really what they wanted at all." She curled her hands in her lap, and pressed her feet into the ground. "Your standards weren't readjusted. He just discovered what was most important. Doesn't matter if you have a piercing, or dye your hair, or join a nudist colony. What's important is that you're well and alive. That's all that should be important anyway."

Elijah
"I enjoy it, but frankly it depends on your partner. If your partner sucks you're probably better enjoying your own company because it's less of a headache. It's a different kind of fun, though. It's not like skydiving but it's still a rush." Maybe that was the appeal, the connection of two people, the rush that they're in the same place, the reminder that life was all around him and that people were there and that the world was not goingto fall apart around him and it gave him something to drown out the sounds. Sometimes, it was something he did because he was bored. Sometimes, he was excited. Other times, it was born of affection, but Elijah's relationship with sex was, for lack of better wording, complicated. He tried to be frank, but the words had too much subtext.

He took a seat, didn't invade her space, but he was maybe a little closer than he realed. Just taking up proximity because tht's what he knows. Because that's what he's certain of.

"Yeah things were... things were really rough for awhile. I'm glad they're less rough. Thanksgiving was nice, but they're out in Louisiana, so good fences make good neighbors."

Aionna
"Hm." It's a quiet consideration of his words. "I don't see the appeal. " That wasn't entirely true. It was less that she couldn't see it, and more that she had difficulty being alright with the touching aspect of it. "Humans have a need to touch one another excessively. For good and ill. Do you know what I love most about large carnivores? They are often loners. They create a territory. They patrol it carefully, and ultimately bother no one. They may meet, once a year or so, and mate, but then they are loners again. They seem to understand the importance of space, for their own protection and others. There are conflicts, of course, but they're often over territory. Someone did something they ought not to, and they have to be corrected. But no one gains pleasure from willingly hurting the other, and no one needs affection to affirm their existence."

Arionna didn't move. She remained where she sat, slowly stretching her legs out and flexing her feet. "Sometimes they do, yes. Though I think you're fortunate. Having your parents, or some form of social support, helps when times are hardest. It's difficult without that. Your family, or at least those who are immediate, can largely be trusted. They may want different things from you, but ultimately, they want you to be safe and well. Everyone outside of your family is suspect. We each have our own needs and desires, and we're willing to walk over one another to achieve them. "

Elijah
"I wouldn't call it excessive, I think... well, at least for me, I don't find it excessive. You might find it excessive, I need a lot more contact than the average person, and I get that, it makes studying with Kalen really funny sometimes because I'm excited, right? So it's like- I think he likened me to an overeager puppy. I learned to meditate with my head in his lap and just focusing on breathing, it really-"

he stopped.

"I'm getting off topic." There was an affection there,something fond that came from his voice that lingered there, that came from his lips and Elijah smiled ever so slightly. Things had been different with Kalen in the beginning, but now... we digress. He missed the past, but accepted the present. Recognized every point as being now so there was no need for nostalgia.

He paused, listening to the end and just... taking it in.

"I think there's lines some people won't cross, though."

Aionna
"You are an overeager puppy. If I had to ascribe an animal to your personality...truly...I think I would have chosen a domestic canine of some sort. Labrador perhaps. Or a retriever. "

She leaned over to pull her usual book out of her bag to open it and set it in her lap. As always, she listened, but she occupied herself while she did so. This was particularly so when Elijah was sliding off into his own world.

"No one has a line. We say we do when we are rational, when we're talking with others and we want to appear better. But the truth is, when the time comes, we'll all cross over, we'll do things we said we'd never do. Even good people, or people who pride themselves on being good, will make decisions that they boasted they would never act upon. You have an overly optimistic view on humanity. Sometimes it makes me wonder how much of it you've actually seen. "

Elijah
"So, do you think, under what circumstances, would you sell your soul?" he says, realizes it's a triggering question, and knows he should back away, can't be disarming, but there's a certain vulnerability in it. He isn't baiting her, or at least he isn't trying to. Whether he does or not remains to be seen.

"I know mine. It's just... there are things I don't think I would ever do, not because I'm a good person but because I'm a coward."

Aionna
"You want to know when I would give up some part of me that I need, that could possibly place me in a location that is painful for well..I suppose eternity, though time is an odd thing... I know that I have my price. I know that it's a silly price to have. I could ask for anything in the world...I could ask to eradicate all humans, to fill the world with all the animals that humans have destroyed during their time here, or maybe to smite every person, every mage, who is mistreated me. Strangely, I wouldn't ask for that. As much as I'd like to." She flipped a page. Every time she pulled a book out in a conversation, it was a question (even to her) as to whether she was really reading or just skimming to keep the appearance up. "I suppose you want to know exactly what it is, given your question."

"If I had the option to give up myself for one thing, I would for the sake of my mama. I'd ask for her sanity to be returned, and for her to be here, in Denver, where she won't be judged for who she is. So if you questioned whether I would actually cross a line, you are correct. I'm not somehow immune from being human."

Ari glanced to him slowly. "Cowardice and inaction can be just as wrong and selfish as action. "

Elijah
""I don't think that's strange," he told Arionna, "i think it's indicative that you're not that different from othre people. Or at least we aren't that different."

He took a moment and listened, nodded along. "I think it's better that it'd be for someone else than personal ambition. I had a dream that the sun went out once, and the-" he stops there, realizing he should stop. Realizing that there are parts of this story that he doesn't need to tell her, that might be too much, "-anyway. I know I'm temptable. And it doesn't have to do with me, but it does."

Cowardice and inaction can be just as wrong and selfish as action.

He doesn't say anything to that.

Aionna
"The world would freeze."

Leave it to Arionna to finish a sentence, but not with what Elijah probably had planned. "If the sun went out, the earth would freeze and we'd all die. I suppose I could ask for that, in return for myself. If the world is frozen, I certainly can't suffer, now can I? Neither can she. Hm. Quite smart of you. I'll remember that, should some individual offer me whatever I want."

"Though since I told you what I'd ask for..."

Elijah
[per+empathy- how weird is it going to be if I talk about Jenn?]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10) ( success x 4 )

Elijah
"And it did, the sun burned out, ceased to be and the world went cold. It took a few days, but it was crazy because the dream lasted for a week, it felt like a fucking eternity, the world went so cold and it was fucking chaos while everyone was waiting for the inevitable end, and it made things so damn windy."

He paused.

"You have to understand, I used to dream about the world ending. Everything sliding away into a void and the whole universe returning to Nothing," there is a capitalization in his voice, some fact and some truh. Maybe he wasn't all sunshine, or maybe it was a self defense mechanism to deal with having dreamed vicious and vidid about the Void. The place beyond the shadowlands, a place where there is Nothing until Something lurks there.

He should be more careful with spirits; he knows what could go wrong if he wasn't careful.

"But anyway, me and Jenn were going to try to get to a freaking gas station because all our food had run out and starving to death was worse than freezing to death and I didn't realize how cold it was, and I lost her? I mean, literally lost track of her and she froze to death. Which is... uh... pretty appropriate all things considered," he said this with a little shrug, "anyway, I remember just saying that I wanted her back and something asked what I would give. I said anything

"And that's it. That's... me fucking up. If I fucked up bad enough, if I hurt someone I cared about that much, I know I'd do anything to fix it, not because of them but because I'm selfish, because I don't want to picture my life without someone I've deigned to be integral."

A second passed.

"Anyway, Iwoke up and was intent that y'know, I'd never do that, but my inner self was like you've faltered before and fuck if I know what that means, but yeah."

Aionna
"Is it really so terrible? The universe becoming nothing? None of us can feel if we don't exist. I don't see that as terrible. Likely it'd just start again. Perhaps better this time." But mostly she was quiet while he told his story, while he explained his own fears of losing someone he cared about. Ari didn't exactly see it as a bad thing. They all had someone they wanted around, somehow or another.

"Because you're afraid of being alone. Elijah..." She took in a breath, closing her book as she considered her words. "It's not so terrible being alone. It's quiet, mostly. When you succeed at anything, it's because of your own work, and not someone else. You're not pressured to conform to someone else and their value system. You can be you entirely, and you can find your peace in something other than people. You'll feel lonely at times. You might...you might even feel despair and wish you had someone. But in the end, compared to the pain that one experiences with others, being alone is superior."

"After some time, you become accustom to it. Having people near is an oddity, and one you don't wish to experience too often. Being with people means learning how to read faces and body signals, and learning who precisely is worth trusting. It's a bother much of the time. And if you don't exhibit the same enthusiasm all the others do, then you're shunned for it. "

"So you're afraid of being alone, but you ought not to be. It's not as frightening as people think it is. I think being with someone is scarier than being without. When you're alone, you make all of your decisions. But when you're with someone, something odd happens. It's almost as if you begin to defer to them, or look to their actions to inform your own. It's inefficient. "

Ari put her book in her bag and rose, ready to continue walking. "Anyhow, you came for the mermaids apparently."

Elijah
"There's a difference between nothing and the void," a careful statement, "the universe will eventually become nothing. Everything will fall and crumble and the world will end in its due course, and then it will begin again, or it could be beginning right now, it's all... it turns. If it's a wheel, then the wheel turns. No beginning, no end, just a perpetual beginning and ending and beginning.

"Nothing," capital N, "is different. And it is fucking terrifying."

He doesn't think she'll understand. It isn't a sense of condescension, but he tries. Elijah tries to make it clear, he pushes, he hopes, he looks at her like saying this would make it make sense because he's seen it and he knows what is to come. He knows what will come, and the prospect of being a free-floating consciousness to fathom the totality of nothing shakes him. Has shaken him. Has been a plague and his voice is intent and it pleads and bleeds at the edges and hopes Arionna will understand.

But she won't understand. That much he knows. That much he is afraid of, expects because he knows when he's walking into a punch. There's a sort of resignation there, he's put himself open, staying there honest and knows Ari is going to hurt him. And he'll let her.

"It's nice, though. I don't mind that it's inefficient."

He stood up, content to try and abandon the topic. "I came for the company," he said, "and the mermaids. I wouldn't have come if you didn't."

Aionna
[I swear to god I'm not an emotional dunce -emp+perc]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 3, 3, 4, 9) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
"I suppose I don't see the difference. Besides, you dreamed it. Dreams tell us things, but they are never entirely accurate. They are cryptic hints and suggestions, nothing more. The gods may speak through them, but human minds never hear all the words. " Arionna picks up on something. She's not entirely certain what it is exactly that she picks up, but she knows it isn't something pleasant. When she looks at him, when she hears his voice, something in it is asking for kindess? Maybe that's it. And for some reason, she feels obligated to acknowledge it.

Her lips tighten and she continues. "...though I realize that dreams are not easily translated. At least not yet. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to see your dreams as you do, and then..."  Then she might change her mind, mind see what he sees... hard to tell. But it floats there because she doesn't know how to really end it. Ah socializing.

"You could have brought Jenn. Kalen. Ian. Kiara. Sera. Grace. In my absence any would do, some better than others. I find it hard to believe you wouldn't come at all if I hadn't come along. Seems a bit romantic, and I don't believe in romance anymore than I believe in unicorns."

"Besides, I do recognize that you seem to be a rather social animal. You can easily flit from one to the other, and no one will mind it. I can't quite understand why it's endearing, but it is." She canted her head a little in thought. "You know, you could have Kiara and Sera dress in mermaid outfits for you. Would save you the trip and the hassle."

Aionna
"I suppose I don't see the difference. Besides, you dreamed it. Dreams tell us things, but they are never entirely accurate. They are cryptic hints and suggestions, nothing more. The gods may speak through them, but human minds never hear all the words. " Arionna picks up on something. She's not entirely certain what it is exactly that she picks up, but she knows it isn't something pleasant. When she looks at him, when she hears his voice, something in it is asking for kindess? Maybe that's it. And for some reason, she feels obligated to acknowledge it.

Her lips tighten and she continues. "...though I realize that dreams are not easily translated. At least not yet. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to see your dreams as you do, and then..."  Then she might change her mind, mind see what he sees... hard to tell. But it floats there because she doesn't know how to really end it. Ah socializing.

"You could have brought Jenn. Kalen. Ian. Kiara. Sera. Grace. In my absence any would do, some better than others. I find it hard to believe you wouldn't come at all if I hadn't come along. Seems a bit romantic, and I don't believe in romance anymore than I believe in unicorns."

"Besides, I do recognize that you seem to be a rather social animal. You can easily flit from one to the other, and no one will mind it. I can't quite understand why it's endearing, but it is." She canted her head a little in thought. "You know, you could have Kiara and Sera dress in mermaid outfits for you. Would save you the trip and the hassle."

Elijah
He decides to take it as a compliment. Makes the conscious decision to take it int he best way possible because the alternative wasn't pleasant. He could be a thoughtful creature when he needed to be, he could be an ignorant thing if it kept him safe. He's looked at Kalen, asked for assurances that he knew would be false. To his credit, Kalen never indulged him this way.

"I've never been singular in my attentions," he replied. Not a retort, just a fact.

"And I wouldn't have come, because I actually find water incredibly offsettling," he laughs, something disarming, especially since he seems so calm and collected. "I kinda figured after last night, we could meet up and be somewhere that I'm horribly uncomfortable so it wouldn't feel so weird."

Aionna
"You've told me.You're all 60's free-love."

She thinks she should feel complimented, or at least somewhat good about his admission. It's suppose to be good when people do things for you, to make you feel comfortable. And maybe she feels just a little bit fuzzy over the whole idea, but then a part of her is just deeply annoyed; as if somehow she needs someone to be at a disadvantage. Arionna came to a slow stop and turned, fully, to face him.

"You think I was uncomfortable? If you find it troubling, we can leave. I'm not certain as to how it can be 'weird' anywhere else. If you mean to somehow make me feel at ease, I'm afraid you'll be trying for quite some time with little to no success. Being around people is always unsettling in some manner. " Elijah tried, and it felt strange to her, even though Elijah was the one out of all of them who was most likely to give; though that was probably why she continued to talk with him, and was less likely to bite in their conversations.

Elijah
"Just like being around water is unsettling," he told her, "but it's a necessary component of my existence, so I need to learn to deal with it. So... I don't want to leave."

A second passed, a little longer, and he sighed.

"That came out wrong. Look... Ijust ... I enjoy spending time with you, and people wig you the fuck out, and when I try I'm never sure if you're going to snap at me or if you're going to get angry and if you want, I'll leave you alone from now on."

Not a threat. Most assuredly not a threat, just... putting the ball in her court.

Aionna
[Wp]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (1, 5, 6, 7) ( success x 2 )

Aionna
She curls her fingers around the strap of her bag, letting her eyes fall to the ground momentarily. He's straightforward, and at least for the moment, he doesn't seem like he's trying to lie (has he yet?) so it's worth it to not snap, to not get angry, to not retaliate the way she might have with someone else. But that wasn't what she felt like doing. Ari did not have the immediate reaction of yelling. She didn't even necessarily want to leave last night, but if she hadn't...

He wasn't the first to ask if she wanted them to leave her alone. But he was the first one that she cared even a fraction about who did."I'm sorry."

Her grip tightened, and Ari kept her focus below them. "Jenn seemed happy. Very happy about what I did. I don't hate that. The both of you seem very...affectionate. You both seem very close. You and Ian are...close. Kalen, Grace, Kiara...Sera.. you're all..."

"I can't do that. I don't even understand why you like people touching you. Other than...you must have had a lot of good people around you. That's not my experience." She inhaled slowly and  lifted her head but kept her eyes elsewhere. Her lips tightened momentarily. "I don't know what I want. "

Elijah
[manip+sub, careful glossing of things that are painful]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 8, 10) ( success x 2 )

Aionna
[did you really?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 7, 9, 9) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
"You showed her something beautiful. That first time that you feel life, that first time that you're made aware that there's more than some banal nothing and the world isn't just dying around you, it's living... it's really special," they're not the same, these two. They're not built the same, not plagued by the same voices. The idea of seeing the whole world around you dying, to see every lie, to feel it in your ribs and to feel every solid thing's cracks might not have bothered Arionna. Might not have ruffled her in the slightest.

It was the first thing Elijah ever learned to do. Could see a world between the worlds, could feel his own fraying apart, could pinpoint the precise moment where it all started to fall apart. There is a respect for entropy, but it's all tinged with innocent wonder (innocent horror- horror is part of the wonder, you see, he does not separate them.)

"I like people to be in contact... because there isn't deception in movement. Your pulse doesn't lie. It's a reminder that there are good people out there, that I can trust people and that I'm not making a mistake by doing it," because there are things that he doesn't say here. Things that are implied, because he has made those mistakes. Found himself in situations where he might not have been on the most pleasant end of attentions. There's a reason Jenn doesn't like some of his friends in Louisiana. There's a reason why she's cautious around some of the people he knows now because she isn't sure if they'll just let him overdose and take his wallet.

She doesn't know what she wants.

He takes a moment and he breathes in, slow, but keeps his hands to himself. Because that was key here.

"What I want... would be to come here, walk around with you, listen to you talk about your day or how mermaids aren't real or things you loved when you were little or things you think are fun. I'd like to hold hands like neither of us are fucking afraid we're going to hurt each other. I want to know what quest I have to go through, what dragon I have to fight, what lake I need to drown in so that I can prove to you that you don't need to judge me based on the same measure as every other person in your life that has done horrible things to you, because I will."

Elijah
His voice quiets.

"Just give me a task," give me a quest, he says without saying. With the reverence and insistence of a man who knows his will is law. Who is afraid but, despite everything he says, isn't a coward.

Aionna
wp

Dice: 4 d10 TN7 (1, 2, 3, 8) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
"Everything is dying, Elijah. The fact that you are living means that you are dying. The moment life begins, it ages, and aging is dying. It's benign. No one ever notices it until the very end, but we're always dying. What Jenn felt is just the illusion of life. Each part that she felt, each being and organism...she didn't feel the parts of them that are failing. The experiences that have warped them. The effects of society on their psyche. It's beautiful to her because she doesn't get to see everything underneath."

Elijah is a trusting sort. He's kind, giving, persistent...and that means he's bound to have made mistakes before. Everyone has. Arionna has (she was never exempt, she just learned fast). It isn't a surprise that he practically admits he's made mistakes before. He'll likely make more, with how willing he is to keep trying.

Ari crossed her arms over her chest, turning her body slightly away from Elijah, though still half facing him. She was completely closed off, she was just stepping into protective mode, even if she didn't realize it. "I had books. Trees. Animals. And Mama, when she was sane. I hated school. I hated people. I wanted everyone to die. I hated mama too. That was my childhood. You can take from it what you will. "

Her lips tightened again and her brows furrowed slowly. "Your princesses are in another castle Mario. I don't want to be part of your harem. I know that's how you operate and that I have to accept that if I want anything more, but I can't. I can't share. I'm not a toy or a book. You can't enjoy me for a moment, then decide you want something else, and come back again when the mood comes. "

Elijah
"It's not-" he falters, as though this were a metaphysical problem, as though this were an issue of them having very different realities. There are things she knows, ways she operates and his... his is different. So very, very different.

"It's not like that at all, Ari," wounded, almost (no almost, actually wounded). How struggled, a creature with words and phrases and looking for where to begin, "we are infinite."

He almost leaves it there, it's on his face, in his words, in his very frame that he almost decides to leave it there, as though the infinite nature of the human condition, as though the entirety of it, the singularity- the finite point and the expansive possibilities of everything made it make more sense. "We are every iteration of everything on this planet, inside of creation itself, the same building blocks, the same makeup. It's... Something doesn't stop being because you're no longer in its presence."

A second and his voice drops, she's turning away and he turns with. "It's important to me that you understand that I don't... I don't see things like we have a finite capacity to give, to feel, to understand, because we are infinite. Nothing can fill the entirety of us and we can give in our entirety and not be empty. The implication is that it's a sometimes flavor, but in actuality it's the understanding that different people have different needs and caring about them the same way and treating them the same way is bullshit because it's not one-size-fits-all."

A second passed, "I don't use people... and I don't want you to think that I am using anyone."

Aionna
Poor Elijah. There's nothing wrong with how he approaches his relationships, and Ari doesn't judge it from an objective standpoint. It's from her own perspective that she finds it upsetting. At first she was almost willing to accept it, to say that yes, Elijah was just going to enjoy multiple people and that was alright, but...

"Your argument begins with, we have an infinite capacity to engage in sexual and emotional behavior, of which doesn't compute with ..." She let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter. It's the way that you operate. Though have you considered how it makes others feel whenever you engage in affectionate behavior with someone else? When Pair bonds form, it's not about infinite or finite. It's about loyalty, mostly. It's about one person wanting and accepting all of you entirely, only you, and vice versa. Pair bonds are about being special. When there is no pair bond, when it is shared among many people, it no longer remains as such. Now you are just one of many. Pair bonds are about reliability. When the bond calls for aid, the other responds, unfailingly. When there are multiple, there is no reliability."

"It's difficult to feel wanted, when you engage in the same behavior with everyone else. Then you simply become interchangeable."

Elijah
"I don't understand why pair bonding, specifically pair bonding, is necessary," he sounds genuinely confused. He's existed in traditional society for some time but it would seem that this? Was not something he had internalized, "the entire ability to be affectionate with others and still love-" yes, love, he says it, because it was at the core of things, "people comes from trust. Being able to respond to your partner, regardless of how many partners you may have, when they need you. And being able to trust them enough that you know they will be there for you. I-"

He stops again, hands soon enough in his pockets.

"I want to understand how you operate."

Aionna
[are you uncomfortable Eli?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (1, 3, 6, 6, 10) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
Vaguely, but it's a complicated discomfort. It's a discomfort because he genuienly doesn't understand, because he's trying to understand, because he's trying to put what he's hearing into his current frame of reference and how he operates and it doesn't fit. Beyond that, he is uncomfortable for a number of reasons.

Like the sinking feeling he has that Arionna thinks less of him, the fear that she might think he's using her, the sensation that he might have isolated her. He'd never considered himself disloyal.

But, maybe he was?

Aionna
[and wp!]

Dice: 4 d10 TN8 (2, 2, 5, 8) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
"Humans... humans are social. Humans require each other, in general, to survive.In the past, women have required a pair bond as a way of ensuring that there is aid in raising children. Men required the pair bond as a method of ensuring the child was theirs. Through that unspoken contract, intense emotional pair bonds tend to be formed. Even in societies that profess to exhibit open relationships, each individual will favor one person as the individual they trust the most, the one they will expose themselves completely to. There is a reason that among polygyny, it is in the best interest of the female to be the 1st wife. She gains everything. One might think that the husband will equally give favor, but such is never the case. It is in our biological nature to favor one individual at a time. In a country such as ours, we have serial monogamy, yet it still works under the same principle. Two individuals come to an emotional agreement for a period of time. Once that contract is complete, they generally do not engage in further emotional and physical interactions."

"No one likes to be second best Elijah. Least of all me. No one wants to be the second wife, or the second girlfriend...and it's only worse as you continue further down the line. You profess that you have infinite capability but the reality is you don't. You can only ever respond to a finite number of individuals at any given moment, and you can never give equal attention to all. One will always be favored above the rest, even when you don't intend it."

Arionna closed her eyes momentarily, collecting herself before she continued, and loosened her arms to grab at the strap of her bag again. "Even when we engage in behavior with others we trust, there is always a part of ourselves we never share. That part may be different among people or.. in some cases...is the same across individuals. We provide barriers. When we are with someone important, someone we trust, we form a deep..emotional bond with them. We depend on them. We show them all of who we are. It's complete vulnerability. Humans can't be completely vulnerable with many people, else we are likely to harm ourselves further. As organisms, we seek to minimize pain, not maximize it."

Ari opened her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Humans form pair bonds to have a complete, committed, deep emotional connection with one individual. They become part of one another in an effort to increase survival. To maintain that level of trust, it's...a lot of effort. It takes time, energy, and that is finite. You can't attend to everyone and benefit in the same way. And in time, someone will be left out, someone will have less attention than they feel they deserve."

She look at the floor slowly. "I don't...I don't think poorly of you for your choices. You live as you desire, and you live it with honesty and a surprising amount of dignity. I find it interesting. I find it very interesting. But I...can't do that. I can't open up completely, not knowing if the other individual is with me 100 percent."



Elijah
[Wp: I'm okay.]

Dice: 5 d10 TN7 (1, 1, 6, 9, 10) ( success x 2 )

Elijah
[aaaaand this totally doesn't bother me]

Dice: 7 d10 TN8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
[Bull! It does! perc+emp]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (5, 6, 6, 7, 9) ( success x 4 )

Elijah
She doesn't think poorly of him, they're just... different.

They're quite different, all things considered, all things said, all things referenced and thought about. Elijah and Arionna are very different, and perhaps this was a conversation he should have thought to have privately. Perhaps this wasn't a conversation he should have somewhere like a library or somewhere that there wasn't water all around and he could feel the cracks in the pavement.

"You have to live a life that is yours," he said, with all the sincerity he had, "and I wouldn't want you to change."

All sincerity there.

He listens, takes in that she can't open up completely, not if someone else can't do the same thing. Thinks about what she had said before, what he'd told her. All the details, all the moments of honesty, all the things that mattered and oh heavens he'd said too much, given information, said things and... something would not be reciprocated. He smiles anyway, something that reaches his eyes but there's something else there.

"I'll stay the course, though. We can be friends, but I need to know how you define friendship."

This is the part that she sees through, the part he tries to hide but can't. He'll stay the course- proceed as he was. Be vulnerable because he prefers honesty, because he doesn't have that survival instinct, doesn't seek to minimize pain but to accept it. And if he's going to be friends with Arionna, by the nature of how she functions he accepts that he is going to hurt.

But damn if it doesn't take time to steel himself for impact.

Aionna
It would be much easier if she could be angry. It would be easier if it were someone else. Ian she can throw back whatever he throws at her, and of course, she already did. Alex...well ...she knew very little of him...and all the others? She could easily push back without a second thought. If she felt hurt, she'd toughen up, straighten her back, and throw back every punch, and then some.

Not Elijah though.

The worst part of it is, she can see how hurt he is. She can see how his soft nature has made it difficult for him to truly, truly, survive in the world. People will abuse you, throw you in the water if they can, but Elijah will take it all in stride.

Elijah might be ready to be punched in the heart, but Arionna look sat him for a long moment, her brows knitting slowly, and turns so she can keep him hidden with a long stream of her hair. It's for the only purpose of (attempting) to hide the fact that she was starting to cry.

It was quiet, as all cries are, at the beginning. Just tears. But then the sinuses open up, the tear ducts fill, and things pour out a bit more forcefully than they ought to. She lifts a hand and tries to wipe the liquid away without smudging her makeup (does it even matter Ms Goth?).

"I hate you, you know." There's no bite to it. "I knew better. I knew better than to deal with any of you in any other way than coldly. I knew better. Everyone else bit. Took it. And went away. I hate you for not doing that. Now I want to be around you. I want to talk to you. I want to do the things you do with Jenn. With everyone else. I want to hold your hand. I've never been with anyone, and I want to be with you. But I can't.  And I hate you for it, even if it's not your fault. "

She couldn't keep up with her own tears, and shifted to using the hem of her sleeve to catch them as they slipped down her cheeks. "I made the stupid, stupid mistake of even thinking I could have something for me. I know better. I know better."

Elijah
[WP: I swear to everything holy, I am okay]

Dice: 5 d10 TN8 (1, 2, 6, 6, 7) ( botch x 1 )

Elijah
They're at an aquarium. There's fish places and people are going about their business and the two young people in the middle of the place may as well be invisible for all that this plays out in so many days for so many different people. Someone just presumes they're breaking up. Or getting together. They need space. It's strange and awful to be surrounded by so many people and be so utterly alone.

He knows better, she turns and he knows how crying starts. Sees her hair hide her eyes and his stomach sinks, something makes his ribs ache and he steps in. He knows better, he knows he shouldn't be in her space but he isn't thinking and he's a sharp enough young man that he can tell that thishurts and he'd give anything to make it stop because he can't help it. He worries about her. Not because of her magic, not because of how angry she can be, but because of that. I made the stupid, stupid mistake of even thinking I could have something for me. I know better. I know better.

And he put his arms around her, held close and could tell how much smaller she was, could feel the similarities in the way she and Jenn feel, the differences because of the magic, because of the cold, because of the winter that creeps in. Because his mind knows better, but impulse does not. He expects for her to push back in some way, he expects for her to tell him to back off, to let go, to hit him, to run away and god damnit he doesn't want her to run away.

He does, though. Desperately, but stands there and stays and weathers the storm because Elijah Poirot isn't a coward, no matter how much he doesn't believe it.

"Don't say that," he insists, "you're not stupid, it wasn't a mistake, you're wrong, you're fucking wrong-" there's a hitch in his voice and his heart beat is irregular. His breathing is shallow and he thinks please don't run, please don't run and it's in every fiber of his countenance. "Whoever the fuck convinced you that you don't deserve to be happy is fucking wrong."

He falters again.

"I can be horrible if you need. I can storm out, be an asshole, I can make you hate me, genuinely fucking loathe me if it will make you stop crying. If it will make you realize you didn't make a mistake for wanting something for yourself."

He says something then, something that doesn't seem to have an analogue in a human language. Something quiet and whispered and shared and it just comes because it's one of the few things he'd strived to learn. He repeats, and then, "this is not a mistake. The world is infinite, we are infinite, and you deserve good things."

Aionna
[wp]

Dice: 4 d10 TN8 (2, 4, 5, 5) ( fail )

Aionna
Arionna freezes.

Her breathing shortens, grows shallower, and the her entire body simply comes to a halt. Her eyes widen as she listens, as she contends with the sudden show of affection. There is a conflict happening, between bolting and staying, and neither are in her control. Except that she can't seem to move much, and it's not because he's stronger than her, but because he just happens to be holding her. She lifts her hands up slowly, grabbing onto the fabric of his vest. To push right? But then there is the conflict. One instinct says to run. The other seems to embrace the sudden touch.

There is no reciprocation, but there is a light push of her fingers against him, as if to beg to come up for air, though she lacks the strength. Then she seems to squirm and thrash in his arms if only for a moment before freezing again. The tears haven't stopped, the crying continues on in small sobs. But now she's not sure if she's crying because she's scared, because of how she feels, or because she's restrained.

She thrashes again, letting out a small sound that exists somewhere between a whine, and a growl. Then she calms again, seemingly, her breath quickening. Her grasp lightens until she lets her arms fall down to her sides. Wait it out. Like an animal that pretends it's dead. Just wait it out.

"No." It comes out in a whisper. "No. I'm meant to be on my own. I'll always be alone. Always. "

"Please let go."

Elijah
There's a push, a whine, a growl and he lets go, pulls back and looks mortified. His cheeks pale, his breathing uneasy and a dawning realization that he'd screwed up, that he knew he had done wrong just by acting. He lets go, he pulls back and there is a moment that is almost dawning horror. Like he'd lost himself and hit her for all the damage he could have done just by holding her, just by wanting and he knew....

There is a moment of silence, and he steps back.

"I'm sorry," he says. There's silence and he steps back again, because space is respect, because- because he can't be here anymore.

"I'm sorry, I have to go now."

Coward.

Aionna
He has to go.

At that moment, neither of them can seem to shove their emotions in a bottle and pretend. One has to wonder exactly which point it began to turn from a nice walk to something like this.

"Go." Is what she manages. What else is there to say? An hour ago it could have been easy to know, but now? "Just go."

She stands still for a moment longer. It's enough to collect herself, just enough so she can begin to move. She grabs at the strap of her bag, clutching it like a security blanket, and turns, slowly, to begin her own path away from him. There is no reason. She's acting on impulse, dull, numb impulse to simply move. Later she might regret it, but for now...

Now she just leaves.