Wednesday, April 29, 2015

[in progress]

Elijah
The high today was sixty-three degrees. It wasn't frigid anymore, but it wasn't particularly warm either. There was a reason for all of this, a calculated risk and a vert deliberate thought process. The air was crisp but not cold. Not frigid, not clinging, not desperate winter that hung on his skin and stuck in his lungs and insisted, insisted you're dying, you're dying, this is the end like it always did. He picked today for a reason, he picked today because there were intentions that needed to be made clear.

He seemed dead set on trying to give himself the flu, though, what with the consistent water logging and drying out.

Elijah had called Ian, explained that he wanted to head out, enjoy nature, see new places because Colorado was full of nature and full of beautiful places and he wanted to see the stars int he evening spiral upwards in some perfect line and feel the air go electric and taste the slow and dawning pieces of spring trying to peek through the stubborn cold. He used less words, though. He'd said something akin to Hey, do you want to go to Forsythe Canyon with me? There's a waterfall.

That was the point of this, you see. The waterfall was the entire point, and there he was in the middle of the afternoon, ready for a small jaunt into the wilderness, about a two and a half  mile hike before they actually would get to the destination. He'd been upfront about the distance, almost expecting Ian to turn him down given that the drive to the canyon was over an hour. He'd planned this, prepared for what could be an all-day affair, or at least take up all the sunlit hours that they could find.

So, this is where we open, with a young man in a parking lot, carrying little more than a backpack and determination.

Ian
Ian didn't turn Elijah down. In fact, he agreed with very little deliberation. The timing happened to coincide with his vacation, and Ian seldom passed up an opportunity to go hiking in the Colorado landscape. Especially these days.

He showed up to the parking lot on time, after having driven out from the city. His car ticked gently as it settled from use, chirping when he got out and locked the doors. He didn't carry a pack, as Elijah did. They didn't really need two, though he would probably offer to take it from him later. For now, he walked up with a water bottle and a couple of high-end protein bars (the kind without a huge list of dubious-sounding ingredients) and slipped them into Elijah's pack. It was warm enough that he could dress fairly lightly, so he had on a pair of 3/4 length hiking pants - made from some slippery dark grey material and featuring a couple of cargo pockets - and a t-shirt layered beneath a thin jacket of the same make and color as his pants.

"Hey." His greeting was relaxed, but he seemed quiet (as he had at the park a few nights earlier.) "Ready to go?"

Assuming Elijah was, Ian started off toward the trail at a brisk stride, tilting his eyes up toward the sky and the rolling peaks of the Colorado wilderness.

Elijah
It was easier to work here. That much was starting to become clear to Elijah. He didn't have to push through to see what was going on in the other reflections of the world, but actually touching it- actually interacting with the denizens of the planes (knocking gently, asking politely, may I or come here or any number of things. He didn't speak their language, something he was willing and ready to remedy) it was much easier in a place that wasn't stifling. He was starting to learn, starting to realize that there was a difference between the cities and nature, starting to realize that, in some lights, this was how it was meant to be. That this was the world before we set limits, insisted upon our own dominion and screamed no, you can't and built walls and barriers and separateness.

There was no give and take in a city, even a city like Denver. It didn't just apply to the spirit world either.

When Ian arrived he got a smile, something generally pleased and ready to actually venture out into the wilderness, even if Elijah's view of the wilderness was still limited to an unkempt city park (such a city boy, this one, something he intended on remedying). Ian was good company in situations like this, and there didn't seem to be the pressure to talk, the need to talk. He was wearing shorts, something that came to his knees and a fleece pullover. Watch in his pocket, still only accurate twice a day (except for when Elijah was insistent that it keep time to the second, which it would. It was a symbol, a tool, and he made sure his tools were well kept).

Ready to go?
"Yeah," he replied, that tiny bit of anticipation in his voice, that  readiness to be out in the thick of things, to challenge his perceptions, to go trapped in every movement. He was different now, they both were. Elijah was pushing, racing, reaching for more than just the unrest. His chaos tested boundaries now, pushed against them and insisted we are more than this.

The train was easy enough, which was good for Elijah because he wasn't the experienced survivalist that Ian was (again, his survival skills were limited to being able to navigate concrete and re-bar forests.) He continued on, keeping up with the brisk pace if only because he needed to move. The canyon was blooming, blossoming into greens and buds and careful bits of springtime, life, creeping into the area. The area is mostly evergreen- fir and spruce and smelling like the idea of mountains. It's rocky, but not unwieldy. The trail itself doesn't seem difficult to follow (yet.)

Half a mile in, Elijah said something- "okay, so, basically the highlight of this place is the waterfall and the reservoir."

He pauses, inhales, focuses his attention, "I can't fucking stand water, and that's bullshit because I can objectively say this place is beautiful and the overarching majesty and that stuff-" he's hurting for words, that much is obvious. He's reaching, but he feels he owes Ian an explanation, as though he owed anyone an explanation "-so I've recently come to the conclusion that being scared that I'm going to drown in anything deeper than a bathtub is bullshit, so... uh... yeah."

Ian
[Life 3, boosting perception, diff 6 -1 (primal resonance) -1 (going slow)]

Dice: 3 d10 TN4 (4, 8, 10) ( success x 4 ) [WP]

Ian
[+2 Perception for 24 hours]

Ian
There was something both animal and meditative in the way that Ian walked the trail. The impossible ease and agility of his steps, long and relaxed, punctuated by occasional bursts of athleticism. The two of them fell into a companionable silence as they hiked, though Ian's attention was anything but withdrawn. His attention was open and alert, taking in the sights and sounds and smells of the landscape. At some point, perhaps, Elijah might notice him drag his thumb over a sharp snag of stone. The action opened a small wound, and Ian put it to his mouth as he walked, closing his eyes as he tasted the familiar copper-salt tang of his own blood.

Gradually, the details of the landscape became sharper, clearer. Like watching a film shift from muted tones to vibrant color. Ian stopped for a moment to look around, lips parted softly as he breathed. Just... taking everything in.

It was like a kind of prayer, for him (though Ian would never have used that word.)

But he didn't say anything about what he was doing. Maybe Elijah could guess. Maybe he was busy focusing on his own journey. Regardless, they hiked. Over stones and leaves and blanketing pine needles. Trees shifted in the wind, the tips of their branches waving softly back and forth. Animals scuttled nearby. A woodpecker tapped loudly on a rotting trunk, the sound a staccato echo.

Half a mile in, Elijah finally spoke. Ian glanced at him for a long moment. He could smell the pheromones in Elijah's sweat. The fragrance of his shampoo. The complex fibers that made up his hiking pack.

"It isn't bullshit. Sometimes things happen to us that leave marks. Change the way our instincts function. But it's good you're trying to deal with it. Water is fucking amazing, and I promise I won't let you drown."

He gave a slow smile, at that.

Elijah
His senses aren't like that. Sometimes, it's too much, but it doesn't parallel the barest limits of human perception. The world is beautiful like this. More color, more sound, more everything. There are smells, there are smells everywhere. And whoever said that water didn't have a smell was full of bullshit because there was the scent of something running, flowing over rocks, running smooth what once was rough.

He catches that small moment, the drag of his finger over a jagged rock. Can't quite guess what he's doing, but has an inkling. They're silent, and for his part, Elijah just lets everything be. Lets his senses be nowhere so he can be everywhere. There are things he notices when he isn't trying to notice anything. The world is loud, but his world has always been loud. Always been full of sounds and sensations and, for his part, Elijah liked nature because it was a different kind of noisy.

No insistence that he help, no incessant whispers of jump, do it, jump, it's so lonely here, no wailing and keening, no dawning awareness of how the dead stay locked in place by their passions. No, nature was quiet that way. It was the kind of noisy that Elijah liked, the kind that was the appropriate silent.

He smells clean. Or at least his clothes smell clean. He showered this morning, is tinged by the wind and the road. He smells a little like fabric softener and the remnants of Jenn's body wash. He'd spent the night at the apartment, likely slept in her bed though instead of his. He did it a lot, woke up curled around the smaller woman and took in her scent and reveled in the fact that he didn't wake up to her looking concerned, that she didn't look at him with relief and insist you wouldn't wake up. A lot has changed over the course of a year, and he was better for it.

There was a hurdle, though. And he could go somewhere beautiful to get past it. Ian promises he won't let him drown, and Elijah smiles. At the edges, but genuine. "I know you're good for it," the acceptance that Ian was good for his word.

"Between drowning and Katrina it's always been a thing and I just figured that I was sick of it. I like pictures of water, so I figure maybe the actuality of water might not suck if the company is decent."

Ian
"Mm, maybe not." Ian's smile lingered like a promise, soft and tipped at the edges. He seemed different today. More like the person that Elijah had seen on that mountain, but also... touched with a bit more color. He pulled his water bottle free from Elijah's pack and took a deep drink. When he replaced it, he gave the pack a light tug, as though to slightly unbalance Elijah, then jogged ahead up the trail.

They were getting closer to the water. The scent of it was strong in the air, as was the echo of the distant falls. The closer they got, the more the pressure changed (as warm air met cool.) It made the hair rise briefly on Ian's arms.

"How've you been lately, by the way?"

Elijah
[There is totally not dread here. WP roll]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (3, 3, 8, 9, 9) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
He was different today. He seemed to be himself, just a different facet. Seeing Ian in nature was a pleasure, something that Elijah hadn't considered an indulgence. He knew what to do in dance clubs and on phone calls but here, there was something more genuine. Something that seemed more open. One only gets to see pieces of Ian at a time, and this one? Well, it was something that Elijah was steadily starting to find more excuses to see.

They were getting close to the water, to the falls that he had been both anxious and excited to be near. The air was going cool and his heart was beating loud and his breathing was forced low and deep and there was that moment that he ponders if he could turn around, if hge should call it. But Ian pulled on his pack a little, enough to make him lose a little bit of balance. Not much, not enough to send him toppling, but enough to give him a head start.

Elijah laughed, something unrestrained (because was he ever restrained?) and pleased. He trots down the path, a bit more sure-footed than he had been in the past. Actually capable of keeping up, even if he wasn't as agile as Ian he had the wherewithal to persevere.

How has he been?

"Decent. Jenn and I had a huge talk about the nature of the universe and I may have shown her the umbra, which she was strangely receptive to after she stopped thinking I got her really high without her knowledge," he doesn't seem as winded as he would be, though he does try to push himself forward, to maybe get to reservoir and the waterfall before Ian would. He knew better than to try, but what is the fun in just rolling over and letting things pass him by?

"I tried to talk to Ari about stuff but we got distracted- totally not my fault. But she was pretty receptive so maybe she won't be so... y'know... bitey in an unpleasant way."

Ian
"Distracted, huh," Ian repeated the word with a dry inflection, inviting without pressing. His thoughts lingered for a moment on Jenn. On the way Elijah described her seemingly easy acceptance of something beyond what she'd always known to be real. His pace slowed to a walk, letting his energy settle. "You're lucky, I think. With Jenn. Not many people would be willing to see that."

It was something he'd never attempted, himself. Sharing that piece of his life with someone who wasn't already Awake.

Elijah
"WE hooked up, I asked if she was okay with this and she was sure and, uh, yeah. That is a quick recipe to apparently hit Arionna's I'm going to show you how incredibly sure I am about this, how dare you question my motives buttons. I was not expecting that."

He clarified, yes, but there was the question of Jenn and it does make ELijah slow, choose his words a little more carefully, "we hit this breaking point. I'd been really shady with her, she thought Kalen was an abusive boyfriend because every time shit would go down I would disappear, show back up withdrawn, and wouldn't talk to her about it." Elijah slowed back to walking, though some part of him was excited. Eagerly awaiting seeing this waterfall he'd been hoping for.

"It was really scary. I mean, I had a push to do it, it was a big push, but... like... I needed to do it. I was talking to- well, I guess it's just another facet of myself, your avatar? I am on the fence if it's something inside of you or outside or both or neither-" he could go on like this for a day if he would let himself, but he shook his head quickly, "anyway, I was telling myself that I couldn't do that and... it wasn't a matter of not being capable or not being allowed, it was having the drive to take that risk. Whether I decided to tell her or not to tell her, I had to own that it was my choice and not one outside of me, so... I made the call and she... it's all really new to her. I mean, I understand that, she's got a lot of questions, and I wish I could just... like... answer them, but I don't have those answers and it's great because..."

He falters, it's just for a second.

"I hated lying to Jenn, and now I don't have to. With all the bullshit we've been through, I would have hated that this is the reason she would walk away."

Because it's there, in his voice, that he expected Jenn to walk away. That, on a certain degree, he wanted Jenn to walk away. Just like he'd wanted Kalen to walk away. To wash their hands and say it was too much and just leave him to his poor decisions and lack of expectations.

"I didn't tell her about you, so if you want to let Jenn in on the big magical bag, that's totally your call. She knows, so she's riding my ass now, it's kinda nice."

Ian
He was quiet while Elijah spoke, letting him share what he wanted to divulge. The two of them drew closer as they walked, but Ian didn't attempt to bridge the gap with physical contact. He glanced at Elijah once or twice, taking in the set of his features, the tension in his posture, before returning his attention to the trail. He could hear the waterfall rushing in the distance.

"I'll think about it," he offered, in response to Elijah's reassurance that this secret was still his to give away, if he wished. "You seem happier since you've told her. I'm glad you did. Whatever anyone else thinks.

"And that doesn't surprise me. About Arionna. I'd be careful with her though. She's... volatile."

Elijah
"I am happier," he qualifies.

They're getting closer, and his stomach is tense. There's a shift in body chemistry. There's a shift that insists that his body might make a demand of him soon enough to run, to stop, to not go any closer because darling stupid boy this is dangerous! Ignorant child, this is the end, didn't you remember? Didn't you hear? Everything screaming and tearing apart, didn't you remember?

It's different, he reminds himself. Doesn't make contact, doesn't reach out for comfort because he. would. do. this. If he was going to face things down, there was a degree of self-soothing that he was going to have to figure out. There's finality in his posture, determination, a push that he be more than what he is.

Things have changed about Elijah, and he is no longer content with formless chaos. There has to be more, and that tempest tests the edges and dares to spill over, take more than it is offered because this can't be all there is, this can't be the end. He doesn't want it to be, and he's starting to remember how much his will matters.

And he wouldn't be cowed by nature, he would exist with it.

He doesn't respond yet, just nods. "Yeah," after a moment, "this just feels like a bad decision. I think she has a boundary issue."

He continues forward, and over the crest of a hill, down a rocky path, something uneasy and not quite worn as the rest of it. There it was- clear blue water. The water runs down from some source not quite in view but it spills down rocks, stains the beaten area with moss and, somewhere behind that beating crest there was an alcove behind it.

The water is blue and clear, save for where it is dark and not. Save for the places where it is deep, where when one swims they could feel it grow cold and hint at the vast depths below.

Water is not to be trifled with, but water is life. Is majesty. Is not an ally but not an enemy, as much of nature is. (Maybe Ari had some points after all. Things that get lost in her vitriol.)

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