Mending bridges

Elijah
Just go.

So, he went.

Turned and walked, regardless of the fact that he had actually taken the motorcycle there. Regardless of the fact that walking back to the warehouse was quite a walk. It would have been easier to go back to the apartment and just crashed on Jenn's couch and stared blankly at the wall and just internalize things. Figure out whatever it was that he needed to take, what he needed to smoke or drink or inject or fuck that would make that nagging sensation go away but there wasn't anything.

He had a long walk tot he warehouse, because he wanted, specifically, to see Kalen. Maybe he realizes how ironic that is. Maybe he realizes how messed up that is, that suddenly now that he's inconvenienced now he wants to talk to his mentor like nothing happened, like they're the same people they were when they first met. But they're not. Things have changed since then. A lot has changed since then.

So, he doesn't smoke. He doesn't take a drink and the walk takes him the better part of two hours but he doesn't look back and doesn't flinch and doesn't do anything except walk because being a body is easier than having to deal with his mind but he's processing information and he's going through the details and replaying every single second of what was going on and what could have happened next.
You know, you only see him when you need something.

So, after two hours of walking, he's there, at the door of Kalen's office and he just... sits.
And waits. Doesn't know if he's there or going to be there, but Elijah waits, because he can wait. Has all the time in the world.

Kalen Holliday
[How awake are we?]
Dice: 7 d10 TN7 (3, 3, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10) ( success x 5 )

Kalen Holliday
[And how distracted by Resonance are we?]
Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (3, 3, 5, 5, 6, 6, 8) ( success x 3 )

Kalen Holliday
Kalen is not in his office, but then he rarely is.  Kalen is in the library itself.  As has been more common lately with a bottle of wine and a wine glass and a book.  Sometimes poetry, sometimes history, sometimes whatever has caught his attention.  But there is a bit less of that frantic focus on maps and charts and newspapers as though he needs to devote his every waking moment to saving the world.

It may say something about Kalen that the one being in all of creation that got him to pause to breathe was one that no longer needed to breathe.  That Kalen, so hell-bent on duty and justice and a war against evil that had no end, found space to step back and be human with a vampire when only months before he had attempted to kill one of them simply for existing.

Possibly about the kind of patience the dead have the luxury to have.  The staggering amount of perspective.  Their stillness.

After a moment, he realizes that Elijah is waiting.  Not barging into any rooms or stepping into one of the places he studies but waiting outside his space.  And so he stands and walks up to his office to see what he needs.  Quiet and calm.  Not really buzzed, because he'd have to drink much more wine in much less time for that.

"Hello, Fae," he says quietly.  And Kalen, much like the voice in Elijah's head, notices trends.  "Need something?"  There is no real sense of annoyance.  Kalen has been in places where he wanted to push back connection.  And has responded to Elijah's lack of connection with...space.  Space in which Kalen sets cupcakes and fascinating baked goods like pineapple-mango tartlets and strawberry muffins without comment.  Easter baskets with high end chocolate truffles and a soft, floppy-eared stuffed bunny.

And waits.  In much the way that someone once waited for him.  Though, he was left more books and less dessert.  Still.  The principal is the same.

Elijah
[Willpower: No, really, I'm good]
Dice: 5 d10 TN8 (4, 6, 6, 8, 10) ( success x 2 )

Elijah
It wasn't so much strange as it was... odd. He's so open with everyone else. He's so affectionate with everyone else, but he gets with Kalen and he's distant and he's awkward and he's tentative and he didn't used to be. He waits, and it is tinged with a strange sort of patience that one didn't really attribute to Elijah often. He wasn't normally a creature that considered himself capable of restraint.
He needs to learn patience, to learn restraint. He's trying, but trying only gets him so far. He's still so very human, so very aware of what precious seconds he has. There are things he doesn't know. Doesn't really understand what's going on with vampires. Knows that Kalen has been at a slower pace now, it's... it's been nice.

There have been little openings. Cupcakes and tartlets and easter baskets which were met with smaller gestures- things divided neatly and intently into halves. Thigns with the intent of there being another person, but always potential and not kinetic. Something lacking direction.

Hello, Fae, need something?
It makes him smile, inhale sharp like he pressed on a bruise.

"I talked to Ari today because, y'know, I thought we could be friends and we talked about pair bonding... and she said that when one calls for aid, the other responds, unfailingly.  And that it's difficult to feel wanted when you engage in the same behavior with everyone else- that it makes you interchangeable."

A second passed, and he's looking for words and it's obvious, so painfully obvious how much he wants to run away and how much he doesn't want to say anything and how badly he wants to keep up with what he'd always done, to be completely alone in a crowd. To be gregarious but keep important people at a distance.

"I never considered myself to be a disloyal person... but I am. I'm... I'm fucking distant and I've spent the past five months trying to figure out what I did to make you mad, to make you snap at me, to make you resent me and I could never figure out what I did-" Elijah stops again and inhales sharply again, and he was there. He wanted to stand up and bridge the gap but... he doesn't. There's a comfort he desperately wants but won't seek because... because he knows better. "But I think I figured it out. And I want to say I'm sorry, and I want to say I'm trying to fix it and I swear to everything that I'm trying. My word's not worth anything."

There's a hitch in his voice, but that control is held tight and held close. "Anyway, it's just... par for the course, I care about people and I fuck things up because I can't fucking have things be okay... but I love you, Kalen. And I never made that clear. Especially now."

Kalen Holliday
Kalen goes very still.  Even after Elijah stops talking he is still.  Quiet.

There are things that he does not do well in some circumstances.  Vulnerability is one of those things.  Intimacy.  Trust.  Those things, despite what some people assume because of the degree to which he feels safe with them or the degree to which he is willing to risk himself to be really part of their lives, are hard won with Kalen.  Increasingly so, actually, these days.

"You spent a very long time being mostly alone.  It is not an easy habit to break.  I know.  Hell, I'm still punishing people for loving me."  He sighs.  "You are correct though.  Telling people how much you want to be better is off limited impact.  It's nice to know, but despite your intentions, you seem to make little progress.

"Not everyone will wait forever, Fae.  There comes a point with people, at which you have to be brave.  You have to be sure.  And then you take a leap and trust that they'll be there to catch you.  Sometimes they are.  Sometimes they are not.  But there is a kind of distance that other people cannot cross for you."

Kalen sighs. "You told me what you wanted.  And I told you that you had it.  That I would spend more time with you and you be here and that I would take responsibility for you.  And after that, after you took me to task for not really being there for you except for when it was convenient for me, you proceeded to act as though I was the last person you wanted to talk to.

"I don't resent you, Fae.  Hell, I'm going to have to defend you, most likely, when this representative of the Order comes.  And that will interesting, but I was not easy to defend either.  I was confined to a chantry however, so the amount of potential damage I could do was limited.  And I had been living primarily on my own already, I didn't get myself into the kinds of trouble you are so fond of.  And I did obey Marcellus' few commands.  And he was well regarded.  So, this will be more difficult.
"Still.  I think that one day, you will be more than it to the Order.  And I have no such accounting with people I invite into my life, you are or not part of it.  What that costs me is not the kind of thing one keeps in a ledger.  Or, at least, in my limited capacity to understand what friendship is, it should not be."

Elijah
"I do want to talk to you," he says, though he's quiet, "I always want to talk to you. Like, when the world stopped being terrifying and I started sleeping again and- and when I finally hit the point when thinking about Alicia didn't hurt and when Jenn thought I was shutting her out I didn't want to tell Sera or Ian or Grace, I wanted to tell you and I didn't. And every time that I didn't it just got harder and-"

He laughs, but the sound is mostly to keep whatever emotions he's feeling from boiling over, because he's trying. He doesn't always do well, he doesn't always make progress, but he reaches for something and tries.

"It's like that Amanda Palmer song about the bed and how I should have asked you what was the matter and I get that it's fucked up that I'm not here for you and... and..."

And I have no such accounting with people I invite into my life, you are or not part of it.  What that costs me is not the kind of thing one keeps in a ledger.  Or, at least, in my limited capacity to understand what friendship is, it should not be.

"I don't know what you're saying," he admits, sounds scared, lets it creep into the corners of his voice because he's bracing for impact, he's insistent, despite what was said he's clearly expecting Kalen to walk away.

"It's all bullshit.. and... and you deserve a lot better than this."

Kalen Holliday
"If it's any consolation," Kalen says after a few seconds to try to process everything that Elijah just said, "I have no idea who Amanda Palmer is or why a song about a bed is relevant here."  He smiles a little.  "I'll just take that one on faith."

He sighs again.  "It means that connection, especially for those of us for whom it has been rare and often damaging, is fucking terrifying.  Being honest is terrifying, being vulnerable is terrifying, and admitting that we care is terrifying.

"And none of your relationships are going to work until you look all those terrifying things right in their terrifying faces and then engage anyway, even though it seems like the hardest possible thing to do.  And, in fairness to everyone around me, of the ones that you know, I manage that reliably mostly only with Alexander and sometimes with Serafine.  Because even when I feel like their disapproval might actually be flaying me alive, I know how much they care about me and how much I can trust them.  I know that what we have is bigger and so much more important than anything I'm afraid of.  Even when I'm mad them or they're mad me.

"Grace...is different.  I don't know why, but that's never been terrifying except the one time when I wasn't sure whether or not she was dying."

"It is hard to trust, and to really have the kind of relationships that you want, the ones where you feel like even if you fuck something up you will be safe and loved anyway, you have to throw yourself open to the possibility that you aren't.  Until you do, you're not trusting them, and without that...there's no foundation for the kind of thing that you're looking for.

"I know what you want, Fae.  Because I also wanted it for a very long time.  No one can hand it to you.  Because no matter how much we love you, no matter how long we are willing to let you struggle and find out what you can do and sometimes what you cannot do, and as much as we are willing to be patient, for what you want you have to be willing to be brave.  And you still draw back.
"I don't blame you.  I'm not angry.  And I certainly don't resent you.  I knew you when I offered to be your mentor and to let you come to live here.  I knew that there was not going to be the kind of bond there needed to be between us until you learned to trust me.  It has, admittedly, taken longer than I had hoped.  But you cannot force trust."

Elijah
[WP]
Dice: 5 d10 TN8 (2, 2, 4, 5, 8) ( success x 1 )

Elijah
It takes him time.
He does stand, though, find himself in Kalen's proximity, and unless he is stopped otherwise, the Flambeau would find himself being hugged. He closed his eyes, tight, drawing some ragged breath and his mind was focused on one particular thing that stuck with him, that Kalen had all the reasons to walk away. That he could have washed his hands and been done but he was still here, he knew Elijah. He knew Elijah despite Elijah's best attempts at keeping him at a distance.

"I don't want to lie to you anymore," his voice is quiet, astounded, mind still clinging to that one simple fact- despite everything, Kalen doesn't resent him.

"I'm not going to hide things anymore." Because he couldn't have what he wanted if he was going to lie, if he was going to tell half the truth. If he was going to avoid responsibility and avoid the terrifying notion that he could fall.

Kalen Holliday
Kalen does not attempt to escape being hugged.  Truthfully, Kalen very rarely avoids contact or physical proximity.  Hell, he has Alexander half-trained to cater to his desire for those things.  He lets Elijah come to him, but, once he does, that hug is returned.  For as long as Elijah stays.
"Good," is all he says at first.  Still quiet.

"I wish that these things could be easier for you. But that is as contrary to your experience as to mine, I think."

Elijah
"Very few things worth doing are easy," he said, and he stayed there. He'd stay for a long time, too, content to not really go anywhere. Truth be told, he hadn't done this in months. The distance had been more than emotional, it had been literal physical proximity and he needs this. Kalen doesn't initiate but he does accept, doesn't push him away, doesn't tell him to let go or to stop and he lingers.
His breathing takes a long time before it stops being shallow, before he can make sure he has his wits about him.

It's hard to think of Elijah as something that doesn't trust, if only because he seems so gregarious, because he offers just enough information to keep people thinking about something else, because he hides the nicks in his armor and protects the more vulnerable pieces jealously and sometimes... sometimes he hurts people. Sometimes he hurts people who mean the world to him because he doesn't think or he doesn't communicate.

"You don't resent me?" he pulled back, looked Kalen in the eyes and he's searching, because he needs to see his face, because he needs to take it in, because... because he can hardly believe it, something that comes close to elation, something that is the beginnings of joy because he can hardly believe that...

Nevermind what he could and couldn't believe.

Kalen Holliday
"No.  I don't resent you.

"I can see how people might.  But I understand you.  And even if sometimes it is difficult, even with that understanding, it certainly is not so difficult that I resent you."  And then he laughs, still quiet.
"Besides.  I have had both of my cabalmates literally throwing things at me because I was being impossible about not being a jerk about talking to them.  Who would I be to cast stones?"

Elijah
"See? I haven't thrown anything at you, I feel like I've achieved something," with a little laugh, "I have terrible aim, so it's probably for the best."

There is a second that he takes in the quiet tone, takes in the sounds and the sensations and just accepts that this is how things are. That things are different, that he has to give something if he is going to be able to trust someone. He has to be willing to fall, willing to find out what he can and can't do.

He inhales slow and deep, "anyway... this all... kind of came to a point... because I went to the aquarium with Ari. I just... I feel for her. She's convinced that she doesn't deserve good things and she just wants something or someone that's hers and... on a cognitive level, I get that," on a certain level, if only because Elijah thinks the world is infinite, that we are infinite so having something that is only yours is near impossible.

"It all went pretty bad... I mean. I remember wanting worse than anything for her to not run and wanting to convince her that she's wrong that she deserves to be fucking happy but-"
he stops, exhales hard.

"I fucking suck with other people."

Kalen Holliday
Kalen huffs softly.  "She'll come to trust someone or she won't.  I am so beyond done trying that I almost let a vampire wander off with her last we met.  It would have been regrettable, but I had other opportunities to pursue that could lead to saving more than her life.  And I don't see her having much positive impact on the world.  That might change, but, given it to do again, I would still not intervene.
"There are points beyond which even I see no point in holding out hope.  I rather expect that she will become a danger to us, if she is not killed out on her own, and then we will have to kill her.  Really, it would probably be better in a larger picture sense to kill her now and avoid having to fight her when she was amassed enough knowledge to become a real danger, but that way lies madness and horrible outcomes.  We cannot execute people for the monsters they might become.

"Perhaps especially when it is most tempting and seems most reasonable."

Elijah
He winces, "if we're killing people for a bad attitude and trust problems, I should have died a couple years ago. I-I get that, if I hadn't met you, and if you hadn't been patient with me losing my damn mind, I don't know where I would be."

Sure he does. The doe-eyed darling could have a few guesses, still doesn't completely fathom  how close he's come to some very irreversible consequences, that all those bad dreams and nights of slipping reality were indicative of a larger problem that Elijah still isn't completely aware he has.
Someday he will be, though. Someday the world will fall out of focus . Someday there will be a time when Kalen will have to likely explain what Quiet is and how the Hell Elijah got there. Possibly more than once. He doesn't know, but someday he will be aware.

"She can be really sweet sometimes. And caring, it's just like she doesn't know how to let herself be human."

Kalen Holliday
"I've met her.  She reminds me of myself when I was younger even more than you do.  It's why I doubt that she will be anything but dangerous if she doesn't find some way to trust someone.  It doesn't even need to be us.  But unless she cares for something enough to refuse to take what she wants by whatever means she has, she will eventually find something like what Victoria found.  Or, worse, she'll actually Fall.  But in either case, she will become dangerous enough that we will have to act.

"And, for all that I tried to find a way to stop both Victoria and Lucia without killing them, we were forced to kill them in the end.  We had no choice but to kill that poor man Thakinyan was possessing.  We killed that Nephandus we encountered in the spirit world.  I wish that there were better alternatives, but our options are very limited.

"Perhaps she will find some reason to care enough about something that will not become necessary.  I do hope so.  But I am no longer trying to be something that might.  It is exhausting.  And there are more people I might help than time allows.  I can save more people focusing my attention elsewhere, and I will do so.

"Whatever becomes of her, unless she comes to me for help or I have to hunt her for her transgressions, is no longer any concern of mine."

Elijah
He took a second, listened, and actually listened. Took in what Kalen said because, despite everything that seemed to point tt the contrary, Elijah respected Kalen. Cared about his opinion even if he didn't necessarily agree with it. He's still young, still dealing with things he's seen and coming to terms with the fact that sometimes you have to kill someone in order to keep the rest of the world safe.

He doesn't think about Eleanor, but he does think about cycles. About dead things and hurricanes and whatever came to Victoria's spirit and whether or not she actually passed on to the next life or if she was utterly destroyed in the process.

A beat, and he paused, "what were you like when you were younger? Aside from industrious."

Kalen Holliday
"I had been alone for a long time.  I didn't care about about anyone else.  I took what I wanted.  I did what I wanted.  If I had been offered the choice to take power the way Victoria did, I would have taken it.  I believed in nothing, but that there was nothing in the world worth believing in.  Kharisma and Jack taught me how to love other people, how to put someone else's life before my own for love.  Only for them, but that was a start."

There is a pause, and then, softer.  "Marcellus taught me to do it because it was right.  Because the world, with all its imperfections and ragged edges, was worth saving.  And I met Ramon, who loved the world without condition or reservation, and radiated that love outward into the world.  He was like a fucking beacon of light and hope.

"They turned me into someone else.  Someone I definitely enjoy being more.  But they let me see that, and they let me approach that change on my own terms.  They saw what I could be, yes.  But they loved me for who I was, not who they thought they might make me."

Elijah
It's hard to think of, but not too hard. Hard to really fathom, but not too hard, because Kalen was a different person. Time changes, and experience makes us grow and evolve and push past the barriers we had into something else and sometimes people just need to show you that there is another way to do things, that it will be okay.

He's quiet. Could have run off at the mouth over all sorts of thoughts and things that could have come from his mouth, this is what he settles on, after thinking. After really thinking about it.

"When I first woke up, I was scared of everything. I mean... everything. I couldn't- none of this seemed real. And I thought, y'know, after the whole heart-to-heart eternity passing world-slipping-away-past-the-umbra finding of myself that it would be different. And... and things are different, but it's not like the entire universe suddenly makes infinitely more sense and it's not like.... I'm still scared. I'm not content to just be scared. Like, my soul named me a coward and I wasn't going to just take that definition.

"But I've been a coward, and I don't want to be anymore. And it's been important for other people to see me differently, but... it's like it helps me see myself differently, you know?"

Kalen Holliday
"The best people I have known haven't been great because they were never afraid.  They were great because they acted in the face of their fears.  It isn't easy, not to let our fears define us.  But we all struggle with them, whatever they are."

Elijah
"Guess that's just part of the human condition?" he paused, and then?

"Thanks for liking Jenn, or at least thinking she's okay people. It means a lot to me... it-it fucking killed me not telling her things, she's always been there and... yeah. It means a lot to me that you guys get along."

Kalen Holliday
"Yeah.  Well.  She seems alright."

[fin.]

Just go

Aionna
Arionna enjoys nature, there is no doubt about that. Everyone knows she has a love (perhaps abnormal love) of the world outside. That makes places like the aquarium enjoyable for her to be around, though she's not entirely sure how she feels about exhibits that flaunt mythical creatures around as if they were real. Magic? Shapeshifting? Sure. Mermaids? That doesn't even make sense. That's two torsos of separate families smashed together. How does that even work?

She's not entirely over her rough night at the library, a fact that is resting underneath her eyes in the form of 'bags' or 'dark circles.' She doesn't even care if people notice. What difference will it make anyhow? Despite it, she's not one to often wander around in grunge, or...whatever that style is anymore. The yoga pants? Ugg Boots? The casual stuff that girls wear when they wake up and feel like only spending a few seconds on dressing.Her dark hair is decorated with a spiked headband; an accessory she loves because it adds a sort of 'crown' to her head without making her into a Disney princess. And the warming weather has allowed her to wear something more casual and cool. It's a dress, to be specific, with only thin straps to hold it up and lacing at the bodice to tighten (or loosen) as one sees fit. The black cloth hangs above her knees, falling down and back in an asymmetrical pattern. The clothing is one of the very few things she enjoys about the warming weather.

Arionna stood at an amphibian exhibit, her bag at her hip, and a dark jean jacket to keep her warm enough as the population grew overly excited at the arrival of spring. Elijah, and she, had made arrangements to come. To what end she never really knew. Their encounter last night left her running away, as was often the case, and certainly that would make things awkward (ok more awkward) now. Ari sighed softly, sliding her finger along the pendant at her neck, almost out of comfort.

Elijah
[don't have a panic attack at the aquarium]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 7, 10, 10) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
[And being surrounded by water doesn't completely freak me out. Manip+sub]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (6, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10) ( success x 7 )

Elijah
He doesn't leave well enough alone. After things had left the previous night with Jenn, one would think that Elijah would be licking his wounds and avoiding the subtle press of a bruised ego, but he wasn't. There he was, Tee shirt and vest and a pair of khakis that didn't exactly fit loose- because he couldn't wear jeans all the time and these were clean. He should be afraid. He should be daunted by their last encounter but there he is-

Bright. Striving. Fearless. (Not fearless. He was afraid. There was a tension in his frame and a subtle hitch to his breathing and something that was just a little too shallow because he knew if things broke there would be nothing he could do, there would be water and that would be the end or the beginning or the end and the beginning and that initial moment of fight is always the worst when you're drowning. Before the peace of knowing it's over. He never reached that peace.)

But he arrived. Calm and collected and pleased as pie. Or punch. Or something else that starts with a P and one could be as pleased as.

"So, mermaids," he announces, as though this was enough herald for his arrival.

Aionna
[You ok there Eli boy?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (1, 3, 4, 7, 8) ( success x 2 )

Aionna
She's not as perceptive as some people, even though she prides herself on being a good observer. If he is tense, she doesn't realize it. If he's scared, she doesn't notice. Elijah is just Elijah, though somehow he always makes her second guess even coming, though not because she dislikes him.

"Aren't real." Arionna finished his words for him, whether he meant to say that or not. "They're creations of men's imaginations in an effort to believe in something beautiful, something magnificent that can't be obtained but will always instill hope whenever they board a ship. I'm certain, if mermaids exist, the real things aren't nearly as beautiful as people want them to be."

"Of course, mermaid myth also entails them attempting to drown sailors, so perhaps it's also meant to be a warning to men that women, particularly beautiful women, are dangerous creatures. Regardless, it's a male fantasy." It made her wonder what woman would want to dress as one and wander around the aquarium. Arionna couldn't see herself doing that. Besides, what would she be? A shark? Octopus? Perhaps she's far more like Ursula and less like Ariel. She did rather like Ursula.

Ari turned enough to look at him. "We ought to get you a tailcoat, to go with your vest. If you're going to be dapper, might as well go all the way."

Elijah
"You don't know that they're not real. These aren't real, but  there isn't definite proof that there are no such things as mermaids, nor where there ever such things as mermaids. I read a graphic novel where merpeople were the villains and it was terrifying."

A beat.

"And legend says if you eat mermaid flesh you stop aging. Not that would would want to, but those eternal youth myths always entertain me because I'm never sure if it is you stop aging or you die and you are young forever in memory." Because that's what happened when people died. He was tense, but he fakes it, fakes it like he's always faked it, and pushes through because it would seem that being uncomfortable just didn't occur to him. his body lies in ways that his mind can't fathom. He has things pushed into muscle memory, faking everything to a state of being perfectly fine and calm and everything is exactly as it should be. His feathers don't get ruffled, except for when they do.

And oh heavens, do they ever.

"You know,I kind of want a tailcoat? I've got a three piece suit that has become my go to for formal events," he said, "needed somewhere to put the pocketwatch."

Aionna
"I'm confident that they aren't real. Should I be wrong, they won't be wonderful creatures, nor look like gorgeous women. Men don't need  beautiful sea monsters. There are plenty of us on land."

"Or perhaps you don't die, but you simply are paralyzed, stuck in your own mind. You'll never age, never die, and remain as a statue for all eternity. Would certainly be justice for killing an animal for terrible intentions. Because let us say that such things exist. They are likely some favored creature of the gods. They have a purpose. When man attempts to usurp that purpose to their own ends, it serves them well to suffer deeply for it."

Arionna lifted her chin a little, pretending (much like Elijah's fear pretend) that they hadn't met last night, and she hadn't helped him, and no, she hadn't walked away with her emotions about to burst at the seams. "I've never sewn, but it is something I could attempt. I have time." It wouldn't be too difficult right? To acquire a sewing machine? To learn something new? It might even be good for her.

Elijah
"Of course they won't be wonderful, unicorns? Unicorns have a nasty habit of goring anything that isn't a virgin," he doesn't bring up Jenn and her own fascination with unicorns, and how she'd held out as long as she could to not have sex because there was a chance that, someday, maybe there would be unicorns. Maybe they would be real and she could actually see them, but she'd given up that dream along with a number of things. People die, people live, changes happen, and we grow up.

The tiny things, the little facts that stick around.

"See, I've never sewn either. I also just went camping for the first time, so there's plenty of time to try new things. I started running, but as it turns out running sucks."

Aionna
"The horn has to serve some purpose. I don't find them particularly interesting. They're equines with horns. How boring. I'd have a far more interest in a Chimera." They could stand there all day in one place, or they could move. Ari chose to begin walking along the viewing path, assuming Elijah would follow.

"So you've become a cardio-bunny. Suits you. Your physique is better suited for track sports. You're built more as a fox than a wolf, I think."

Elijah
"They're more like goats than horses, generally? They've got the tail of a lion, the head of a horse, and the body of a goat and the beard. They're kind of close to horses, but generally the horned horse thing is kind of a crapshoot," he said, clearly either up on his mythical creatures of completely capable of bullshitting. Of all the things he could be interested in, this seemed to be one of those things.

He walks along the viewing path with her, in proximity but not touching. Hands lose at his sides, eyes bright and alert (hyper-vigilant, aware of how badly things could go wrong). "I've never been strong," he said, "my dad is built like a linebacker though."

Elijah was, at that juncture, fishing out his phone to pull up a picture. Now, he does bring it over, and the two of them are together- clearly Elijah must take after his mother because the two of them look nothing alike save for the way they stand. The resemblance is one that is nurtured instead of one brought out in nature. The man is a good four inches taller than Elijah, his chest thick, his arms solid, his smile reaches his eyes and he seems... hardworking. Honest. Exasperated with his son, but in that picture Elijah had longer hair and a tongue stud so, really, who wouldn't be exasperated?

Aionna
"Still seems rather boring. Both are prey, both are herbivores. Neither seem particularly interested in virgins. Would be far more interesting if they have a preference in order to sacrifice them. Perhaps these unicorns simply like the taste of virgin meat, unsullied by masculine influences, tender, much like veal."

"Oh?" She tilted her head, glancing to him as he pulled out his phone. She stopped to get a good look at the picture, and found it surprisingly...amusing. "You were slightly abnormal once. It's a nice change. Your father looks nice. I assume you gained your disposition from him."

Elijah
"You're presuming that female virgins and male virgins don't both taste fantastic," he said, "for all I know, dude virgins are a delicacy because seriously,it's hard to be celibate."

True story, like he had ever tried, though. Hard to imagine.

"He told me in no uncertain terms that I would take that damn thing out because it would give my grandmother a heart attack and she was old and close to being dead and when she dies I could do whatever I wanted but damnit the woman is sticking around just to spite me, I swear," he snickered. Content to toy with death, or at least be amused by it. "He means well, gets worried, kind of panics and he's an angry panciker, but he didn't have a temper, ya know? And heaven knows I gave him plenty of reasons to lose his temper."

Aionna
"Do you think it more difficult for one to be celibate over the other? Women has just as much of a desire for sex as men. We're simply punished for it. I imagine virgins generally to taste dull overall. The difference between regular cows and cows on special diets. One is boring and simple, the other has more flavor because of its experience. Herbivores don't generally have the best understanding of what meat tastes best. They'd be terrible chefs."

Her brows lifted a little. "If a piercing is likely to give her a heart attack, she would have already died. Though, are they in Denver? Proximity is the key. If there is no proximity, there is no need to follow through. Ignorance is bliss for most people."

She pressed her lips together. "Isn't it the role of the offspring to upset the parents? Challenge them? Philosophically speaking. You are, after all, a separate organism, with your own desires. He can't expect you to be as he wants. None of us have control over the other."

Elijah
"I think it's just difficult in general, but there's an undue societal pressure for men to be... I dunno... verile? Like, see Lysistrata- same desires, same everythings. Equality of desire is part of what makes the play hilarious. but it's a weird paradox, men are expected to fuck everything, women are expected to fuck nothing except one specific person, and it's kinda bullshit. Too much heartache over something that's freaking delightfully fun."

He laughed, though the sound was a little sad. Something he doesn't try to hide at this point, "I don't think he cares at this point, I think he's mostly glad that I'm not in rehab and I haven't killed myself. We had to readjust our standards."

Aionna
"Is it? Fun I mean. Plenty of novels and short stories to make it seem that way. Certainly serves a purpose. Though how much exactly? Is there anything that can compare? Or perhaps supersede it?"

Ari let out a small sigh and took a seat at one of the benches, setting her bag on the ground. "Sometimes, people forget what's important. Or maybe they don't even know to begin with. They expect things, desire things because it's expected of them. Social obligations, you see. I despise them personally, they make humans even greater monsters than they are. People...who could be good, let it overcome them. But then sometimes things happen. Something important. And people see that what they expected before was obscene. That it wasn't really what they wanted at all." She curled her hands in her lap, and pressed her feet into the ground. "Your standards weren't readjusted. He just discovered what was most important. Doesn't matter if you have a piercing, or dye your hair, or join a nudist colony. What's important is that you're well and alive. That's all that should be important anyway."

Elijah
"I enjoy it, but frankly it depends on your partner. If your partner sucks you're probably better enjoying your own company because it's less of a headache. It's a different kind of fun, though. It's not like skydiving but it's still a rush." Maybe that was the appeal, the connection of two people, the rush that they're in the same place, the reminder that life was all around him and that people were there and that the world was not goingto fall apart around him and it gave him something to drown out the sounds. Sometimes, it was something he did because he was bored. Sometimes, he was excited. Other times, it was born of affection, but Elijah's relationship with sex was, for lack of better wording, complicated. He tried to be frank, but the words had too much subtext.

He took a seat, didn't invade her space, but he was maybe a little closer than he realed. Just taking up proximity because tht's what he knows. Because that's what he's certain of.

"Yeah things were... things were really rough for awhile. I'm glad they're less rough. Thanksgiving was nice, but they're out in Louisiana, so good fences make good neighbors."

Aionna
"Hm." It's a quiet consideration of his words. "I don't see the appeal. " That wasn't entirely true. It was less that she couldn't see it, and more that she had difficulty being alright with the touching aspect of it. "Humans have a need to touch one another excessively. For good and ill. Do you know what I love most about large carnivores? They are often loners. They create a territory. They patrol it carefully, and ultimately bother no one. They may meet, once a year or so, and mate, but then they are loners again. They seem to understand the importance of space, for their own protection and others. There are conflicts, of course, but they're often over territory. Someone did something they ought not to, and they have to be corrected. But no one gains pleasure from willingly hurting the other, and no one needs affection to affirm their existence."

Arionna didn't move. She remained where she sat, slowly stretching her legs out and flexing her feet. "Sometimes they do, yes. Though I think you're fortunate. Having your parents, or some form of social support, helps when times are hardest. It's difficult without that. Your family, or at least those who are immediate, can largely be trusted. They may want different things from you, but ultimately, they want you to be safe and well. Everyone outside of your family is suspect. We each have our own needs and desires, and we're willing to walk over one another to achieve them. "

Elijah
"I wouldn't call it excessive, I think... well, at least for me, I don't find it excessive. You might find it excessive, I need a lot more contact than the average person, and I get that, it makes studying with Kalen really funny sometimes because I'm excited, right? So it's like- I think he likened me to an overeager puppy. I learned to meditate with my head in his lap and just focusing on breathing, it really-"

he stopped.

"I'm getting off topic." There was an affection there,something fond that came from his voice that lingered there, that came from his lips and Elijah smiled ever so slightly. Things had been different with Kalen in the beginning, but now... we digress. He missed the past, but accepted the present. Recognized every point as being now so there was no need for nostalgia.

He paused, listening to the end and just... taking it in.

"I think there's lines some people won't cross, though."

Aionna
"You are an overeager puppy. If I had to ascribe an animal to your personality...truly...I think I would have chosen a domestic canine of some sort. Labrador perhaps. Or a retriever. "

She leaned over to pull her usual book out of her bag to open it and set it in her lap. As always, she listened, but she occupied herself while she did so. This was particularly so when Elijah was sliding off into his own world.

"No one has a line. We say we do when we are rational, when we're talking with others and we want to appear better. But the truth is, when the time comes, we'll all cross over, we'll do things we said we'd never do. Even good people, or people who pride themselves on being good, will make decisions that they boasted they would never act upon. You have an overly optimistic view on humanity. Sometimes it makes me wonder how much of it you've actually seen. "

Elijah
"So, do you think, under what circumstances, would you sell your soul?" he says, realizes it's a triggering question, and knows he should back away, can't be disarming, but there's a certain vulnerability in it. He isn't baiting her, or at least he isn't trying to. Whether he does or not remains to be seen.

"I know mine. It's just... there are things I don't think I would ever do, not because I'm a good person but because I'm a coward."

Aionna
"You want to know when I would give up some part of me that I need, that could possibly place me in a location that is painful for well..I suppose eternity, though time is an odd thing... I know that I have my price. I know that it's a silly price to have. I could ask for anything in the world...I could ask to eradicate all humans, to fill the world with all the animals that humans have destroyed during their time here, or maybe to smite every person, every mage, who is mistreated me. Strangely, I wouldn't ask for that. As much as I'd like to." She flipped a page. Every time she pulled a book out in a conversation, it was a question (even to her) as to whether she was really reading or just skimming to keep the appearance up. "I suppose you want to know exactly what it is, given your question."

"If I had the option to give up myself for one thing, I would for the sake of my mama. I'd ask for her sanity to be returned, and for her to be here, in Denver, where she won't be judged for who she is. So if you questioned whether I would actually cross a line, you are correct. I'm not somehow immune from being human."

Ari glanced to him slowly. "Cowardice and inaction can be just as wrong and selfish as action. "

Elijah
""I don't think that's strange," he told Arionna, "i think it's indicative that you're not that different from othre people. Or at least we aren't that different."

He took a moment and listened, nodded along. "I think it's better that it'd be for someone else than personal ambition. I had a dream that the sun went out once, and the-" he stops there, realizing he should stop. Realizing that there are parts of this story that he doesn't need to tell her, that might be too much, "-anyway. I know I'm temptable. And it doesn't have to do with me, but it does."

Cowardice and inaction can be just as wrong and selfish as action.

He doesn't say anything to that.

Aionna
"The world would freeze."

Leave it to Arionna to finish a sentence, but not with what Elijah probably had planned. "If the sun went out, the earth would freeze and we'd all die. I suppose I could ask for that, in return for myself. If the world is frozen, I certainly can't suffer, now can I? Neither can she. Hm. Quite smart of you. I'll remember that, should some individual offer me whatever I want."

"Though since I told you what I'd ask for..."

Elijah
[per+empathy- how weird is it going to be if I talk about Jenn?]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10) ( success x 4 )

Elijah
"And it did, the sun burned out, ceased to be and the world went cold. It took a few days, but it was crazy because the dream lasted for a week, it felt like a fucking eternity, the world went so cold and it was fucking chaos while everyone was waiting for the inevitable end, and it made things so damn windy."

He paused.

"You have to understand, I used to dream about the world ending. Everything sliding away into a void and the whole universe returning to Nothing," there is a capitalization in his voice, some fact and some truh. Maybe he wasn't all sunshine, or maybe it was a self defense mechanism to deal with having dreamed vicious and vidid about the Void. The place beyond the shadowlands, a place where there is Nothing until Something lurks there.

He should be more careful with spirits; he knows what could go wrong if he wasn't careful.

"But anyway, me and Jenn were going to try to get to a freaking gas station because all our food had run out and starving to death was worse than freezing to death and I didn't realize how cold it was, and I lost her? I mean, literally lost track of her and she froze to death. Which is... uh... pretty appropriate all things considered," he said this with a little shrug, "anyway, I remember just saying that I wanted her back and something asked what I would give. I said anything

"And that's it. That's... me fucking up. If I fucked up bad enough, if I hurt someone I cared about that much, I know I'd do anything to fix it, not because of them but because I'm selfish, because I don't want to picture my life without someone I've deigned to be integral."

A second passed.

"Anyway, Iwoke up and was intent that y'know, I'd never do that, but my inner self was like you've faltered before and fuck if I know what that means, but yeah."

Aionna
"Is it really so terrible? The universe becoming nothing? None of us can feel if we don't exist. I don't see that as terrible. Likely it'd just start again. Perhaps better this time." But mostly she was quiet while he told his story, while he explained his own fears of losing someone he cared about. Ari didn't exactly see it as a bad thing. They all had someone they wanted around, somehow or another.

"Because you're afraid of being alone. Elijah..." She took in a breath, closing her book as she considered her words. "It's not so terrible being alone. It's quiet, mostly. When you succeed at anything, it's because of your own work, and not someone else. You're not pressured to conform to someone else and their value system. You can be you entirely, and you can find your peace in something other than people. You'll feel lonely at times. You might...you might even feel despair and wish you had someone. But in the end, compared to the pain that one experiences with others, being alone is superior."

"After some time, you become accustom to it. Having people near is an oddity, and one you don't wish to experience too often. Being with people means learning how to read faces and body signals, and learning who precisely is worth trusting. It's a bother much of the time. And if you don't exhibit the same enthusiasm all the others do, then you're shunned for it. "

"So you're afraid of being alone, but you ought not to be. It's not as frightening as people think it is. I think being with someone is scarier than being without. When you're alone, you make all of your decisions. But when you're with someone, something odd happens. It's almost as if you begin to defer to them, or look to their actions to inform your own. It's inefficient. "

Ari put her book in her bag and rose, ready to continue walking. "Anyhow, you came for the mermaids apparently."

Elijah
"There's a difference between nothing and the void," a careful statement, "the universe will eventually become nothing. Everything will fall and crumble and the world will end in its due course, and then it will begin again, or it could be beginning right now, it's all... it turns. If it's a wheel, then the wheel turns. No beginning, no end, just a perpetual beginning and ending and beginning.

"Nothing," capital N, "is different. And it is fucking terrifying."

He doesn't think she'll understand. It isn't a sense of condescension, but he tries. Elijah tries to make it clear, he pushes, he hopes, he looks at her like saying this would make it make sense because he's seen it and he knows what is to come. He knows what will come, and the prospect of being a free-floating consciousness to fathom the totality of nothing shakes him. Has shaken him. Has been a plague and his voice is intent and it pleads and bleeds at the edges and hopes Arionna will understand.

But she won't understand. That much he knows. That much he is afraid of, expects because he knows when he's walking into a punch. There's a sort of resignation there, he's put himself open, staying there honest and knows Ari is going to hurt him. And he'll let her.

"It's nice, though. I don't mind that it's inefficient."

He stood up, content to try and abandon the topic. "I came for the company," he said, "and the mermaids. I wouldn't have come if you didn't."

Aionna
[I swear to god I'm not an emotional dunce -emp+perc]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 3, 3, 4, 9) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
"I suppose I don't see the difference. Besides, you dreamed it. Dreams tell us things, but they are never entirely accurate. They are cryptic hints and suggestions, nothing more. The gods may speak through them, but human minds never hear all the words. " Arionna picks up on something. She's not entirely certain what it is exactly that she picks up, but she knows it isn't something pleasant. When she looks at him, when she hears his voice, something in it is asking for kindess? Maybe that's it. And for some reason, she feels obligated to acknowledge it.

Her lips tighten and she continues. "...though I realize that dreams are not easily translated. At least not yet. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to see your dreams as you do, and then..."  Then she might change her mind, mind see what he sees... hard to tell. But it floats there because she doesn't know how to really end it. Ah socializing.

"You could have brought Jenn. Kalen. Ian. Kiara. Sera. Grace. In my absence any would do, some better than others. I find it hard to believe you wouldn't come at all if I hadn't come along. Seems a bit romantic, and I don't believe in romance anymore than I believe in unicorns."

"Besides, I do recognize that you seem to be a rather social animal. You can easily flit from one to the other, and no one will mind it. I can't quite understand why it's endearing, but it is." She canted her head a little in thought. "You know, you could have Kiara and Sera dress in mermaid outfits for you. Would save you the trip and the hassle."

Aionna
"I suppose I don't see the difference. Besides, you dreamed it. Dreams tell us things, but they are never entirely accurate. They are cryptic hints and suggestions, nothing more. The gods may speak through them, but human minds never hear all the words. " Arionna picks up on something. She's not entirely certain what it is exactly that she picks up, but she knows it isn't something pleasant. When she looks at him, when she hears his voice, something in it is asking for kindess? Maybe that's it. And for some reason, she feels obligated to acknowledge it.

Her lips tighten and she continues. "...though I realize that dreams are not easily translated. At least not yet. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to see your dreams as you do, and then..."  Then she might change her mind, mind see what he sees... hard to tell. But it floats there because she doesn't know how to really end it. Ah socializing.

"You could have brought Jenn. Kalen. Ian. Kiara. Sera. Grace. In my absence any would do, some better than others. I find it hard to believe you wouldn't come at all if I hadn't come along. Seems a bit romantic, and I don't believe in romance anymore than I believe in unicorns."

"Besides, I do recognize that you seem to be a rather social animal. You can easily flit from one to the other, and no one will mind it. I can't quite understand why it's endearing, but it is." She canted her head a little in thought. "You know, you could have Kiara and Sera dress in mermaid outfits for you. Would save you the trip and the hassle."

Elijah
He decides to take it as a compliment. Makes the conscious decision to take it int he best way possible because the alternative wasn't pleasant. He could be a thoughtful creature when he needed to be, he could be an ignorant thing if it kept him safe. He's looked at Kalen, asked for assurances that he knew would be false. To his credit, Kalen never indulged him this way.

"I've never been singular in my attentions," he replied. Not a retort, just a fact.

"And I wouldn't have come, because I actually find water incredibly offsettling," he laughs, something disarming, especially since he seems so calm and collected. "I kinda figured after last night, we could meet up and be somewhere that I'm horribly uncomfortable so it wouldn't feel so weird."

Aionna
"You've told me.You're all 60's free-love."

She thinks she should feel complimented, or at least somewhat good about his admission. It's suppose to be good when people do things for you, to make you feel comfortable. And maybe she feels just a little bit fuzzy over the whole idea, but then a part of her is just deeply annoyed; as if somehow she needs someone to be at a disadvantage. Arionna came to a slow stop and turned, fully, to face him.

"You think I was uncomfortable? If you find it troubling, we can leave. I'm not certain as to how it can be 'weird' anywhere else. If you mean to somehow make me feel at ease, I'm afraid you'll be trying for quite some time with little to no success. Being around people is always unsettling in some manner. " Elijah tried, and it felt strange to her, even though Elijah was the one out of all of them who was most likely to give; though that was probably why she continued to talk with him, and was less likely to bite in their conversations.

Elijah
"Just like being around water is unsettling," he told her, "but it's a necessary component of my existence, so I need to learn to deal with it. So... I don't want to leave."

A second passed, a little longer, and he sighed.

"That came out wrong. Look... Ijust ... I enjoy spending time with you, and people wig you the fuck out, and when I try I'm never sure if you're going to snap at me or if you're going to get angry and if you want, I'll leave you alone from now on."

Not a threat. Most assuredly not a threat, just... putting the ball in her court.

Aionna
[Wp]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (1, 5, 6, 7) ( success x 2 )

Aionna
She curls her fingers around the strap of her bag, letting her eyes fall to the ground momentarily. He's straightforward, and at least for the moment, he doesn't seem like he's trying to lie (has he yet?) so it's worth it to not snap, to not get angry, to not retaliate the way she might have with someone else. But that wasn't what she felt like doing. Ari did not have the immediate reaction of yelling. She didn't even necessarily want to leave last night, but if she hadn't...

He wasn't the first to ask if she wanted them to leave her alone. But he was the first one that she cared even a fraction about who did."I'm sorry."

Her grip tightened, and Ari kept her focus below them. "Jenn seemed happy. Very happy about what I did. I don't hate that. The both of you seem very...affectionate. You both seem very close. You and Ian are...close. Kalen, Grace, Kiara...Sera.. you're all..."

"I can't do that. I don't even understand why you like people touching you. Other than...you must have had a lot of good people around you. That's not my experience." She inhaled slowly and  lifted her head but kept her eyes elsewhere. Her lips tightened momentarily. "I don't know what I want. "

Elijah
[manip+sub, careful glossing of things that are painful]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 8, 10) ( success x 2 )

Aionna
[did you really?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 7, 9, 9) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
"You showed her something beautiful. That first time that you feel life, that first time that you're made aware that there's more than some banal nothing and the world isn't just dying around you, it's living... it's really special," they're not the same, these two. They're not built the same, not plagued by the same voices. The idea of seeing the whole world around you dying, to see every lie, to feel it in your ribs and to feel every solid thing's cracks might not have bothered Arionna. Might not have ruffled her in the slightest.

It was the first thing Elijah ever learned to do. Could see a world between the worlds, could feel his own fraying apart, could pinpoint the precise moment where it all started to fall apart. There is a respect for entropy, but it's all tinged with innocent wonder (innocent horror- horror is part of the wonder, you see, he does not separate them.)

"I like people to be in contact... because there isn't deception in movement. Your pulse doesn't lie. It's a reminder that there are good people out there, that I can trust people and that I'm not making a mistake by doing it," because there are things that he doesn't say here. Things that are implied, because he has made those mistakes. Found himself in situations where he might not have been on the most pleasant end of attentions. There's a reason Jenn doesn't like some of his friends in Louisiana. There's a reason why she's cautious around some of the people he knows now because she isn't sure if they'll just let him overdose and take his wallet.

She doesn't know what she wants.

He takes a moment and he breathes in, slow, but keeps his hands to himself. Because that was key here.

"What I want... would be to come here, walk around with you, listen to you talk about your day or how mermaids aren't real or things you loved when you were little or things you think are fun. I'd like to hold hands like neither of us are fucking afraid we're going to hurt each other. I want to know what quest I have to go through, what dragon I have to fight, what lake I need to drown in so that I can prove to you that you don't need to judge me based on the same measure as every other person in your life that has done horrible things to you, because I will."

Elijah
His voice quiets.

"Just give me a task," give me a quest, he says without saying. With the reverence and insistence of a man who knows his will is law. Who is afraid but, despite everything he says, isn't a coward.

Aionna
wp

Dice: 4 d10 TN7 (1, 2, 3, 8) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
"Everything is dying, Elijah. The fact that you are living means that you are dying. The moment life begins, it ages, and aging is dying. It's benign. No one ever notices it until the very end, but we're always dying. What Jenn felt is just the illusion of life. Each part that she felt, each being and organism...she didn't feel the parts of them that are failing. The experiences that have warped them. The effects of society on their psyche. It's beautiful to her because she doesn't get to see everything underneath."

Elijah is a trusting sort. He's kind, giving, persistent...and that means he's bound to have made mistakes before. Everyone has. Arionna has (she was never exempt, she just learned fast). It isn't a surprise that he practically admits he's made mistakes before. He'll likely make more, with how willing he is to keep trying.

Ari crossed her arms over her chest, turning her body slightly away from Elijah, though still half facing him. She was completely closed off, she was just stepping into protective mode, even if she didn't realize it. "I had books. Trees. Animals. And Mama, when she was sane. I hated school. I hated people. I wanted everyone to die. I hated mama too. That was my childhood. You can take from it what you will. "

Her lips tightened again and her brows furrowed slowly. "Your princesses are in another castle Mario. I don't want to be part of your harem. I know that's how you operate and that I have to accept that if I want anything more, but I can't. I can't share. I'm not a toy or a book. You can't enjoy me for a moment, then decide you want something else, and come back again when the mood comes. "

Elijah
"It's not-" he falters, as though this were a metaphysical problem, as though this were an issue of them having very different realities. There are things she knows, ways she operates and his... his is different. So very, very different.

"It's not like that at all, Ari," wounded, almost (no almost, actually wounded). How struggled, a creature with words and phrases and looking for where to begin, "we are infinite."

He almost leaves it there, it's on his face, in his words, in his very frame that he almost decides to leave it there, as though the infinite nature of the human condition, as though the entirety of it, the singularity- the finite point and the expansive possibilities of everything made it make more sense. "We are every iteration of everything on this planet, inside of creation itself, the same building blocks, the same makeup. It's... Something doesn't stop being because you're no longer in its presence."

A second and his voice drops, she's turning away and he turns with. "It's important to me that you understand that I don't... I don't see things like we have a finite capacity to give, to feel, to understand, because we are infinite. Nothing can fill the entirety of us and we can give in our entirety and not be empty. The implication is that it's a sometimes flavor, but in actuality it's the understanding that different people have different needs and caring about them the same way and treating them the same way is bullshit because it's not one-size-fits-all."

A second passed, "I don't use people... and I don't want you to think that I am using anyone."

Aionna
Poor Elijah. There's nothing wrong with how he approaches his relationships, and Ari doesn't judge it from an objective standpoint. It's from her own perspective that she finds it upsetting. At first she was almost willing to accept it, to say that yes, Elijah was just going to enjoy multiple people and that was alright, but...

"Your argument begins with, we have an infinite capacity to engage in sexual and emotional behavior, of which doesn't compute with ..." She let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter. It's the way that you operate. Though have you considered how it makes others feel whenever you engage in affectionate behavior with someone else? When Pair bonds form, it's not about infinite or finite. It's about loyalty, mostly. It's about one person wanting and accepting all of you entirely, only you, and vice versa. Pair bonds are about being special. When there is no pair bond, when it is shared among many people, it no longer remains as such. Now you are just one of many. Pair bonds are about reliability. When the bond calls for aid, the other responds, unfailingly. When there are multiple, there is no reliability."

"It's difficult to feel wanted, when you engage in the same behavior with everyone else. Then you simply become interchangeable."

Elijah
"I don't understand why pair bonding, specifically pair bonding, is necessary," he sounds genuinely confused. He's existed in traditional society for some time but it would seem that this? Was not something he had internalized, "the entire ability to be affectionate with others and still love-" yes, love, he says it, because it was at the core of things, "people comes from trust. Being able to respond to your partner, regardless of how many partners you may have, when they need you. And being able to trust them enough that you know they will be there for you. I-"

He stops again, hands soon enough in his pockets.

"I want to understand how you operate."

Aionna
[are you uncomfortable Eli?]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (1, 3, 6, 6, 10) ( success x 3 )

Elijah
Vaguely, but it's a complicated discomfort. It's a discomfort because he genuienly doesn't understand, because he's trying to understand, because he's trying to put what he's hearing into his current frame of reference and how he operates and it doesn't fit. Beyond that, he is uncomfortable for a number of reasons.

Like the sinking feeling he has that Arionna thinks less of him, the fear that she might think he's using her, the sensation that he might have isolated her. He'd never considered himself disloyal.

But, maybe he was?

Aionna
[and wp!]

Dice: 4 d10 TN8 (2, 2, 5, 8) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
"Humans... humans are social. Humans require each other, in general, to survive.In the past, women have required a pair bond as a way of ensuring that there is aid in raising children. Men required the pair bond as a method of ensuring the child was theirs. Through that unspoken contract, intense emotional pair bonds tend to be formed. Even in societies that profess to exhibit open relationships, each individual will favor one person as the individual they trust the most, the one they will expose themselves completely to. There is a reason that among polygyny, it is in the best interest of the female to be the 1st wife. She gains everything. One might think that the husband will equally give favor, but such is never the case. It is in our biological nature to favor one individual at a time. In a country such as ours, we have serial monogamy, yet it still works under the same principle. Two individuals come to an emotional agreement for a period of time. Once that contract is complete, they generally do not engage in further emotional and physical interactions."

"No one likes to be second best Elijah. Least of all me. No one wants to be the second wife, or the second girlfriend...and it's only worse as you continue further down the line. You profess that you have infinite capability but the reality is you don't. You can only ever respond to a finite number of individuals at any given moment, and you can never give equal attention to all. One will always be favored above the rest, even when you don't intend it."

Arionna closed her eyes momentarily, collecting herself before she continued, and loosened her arms to grab at the strap of her bag again. "Even when we engage in behavior with others we trust, there is always a part of ourselves we never share. That part may be different among people or.. in some cases...is the same across individuals. We provide barriers. When we are with someone important, someone we trust, we form a deep..emotional bond with them. We depend on them. We show them all of who we are. It's complete vulnerability. Humans can't be completely vulnerable with many people, else we are likely to harm ourselves further. As organisms, we seek to minimize pain, not maximize it."

Ari opened her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Humans form pair bonds to have a complete, committed, deep emotional connection with one individual. They become part of one another in an effort to increase survival. To maintain that level of trust, it's...a lot of effort. It takes time, energy, and that is finite. You can't attend to everyone and benefit in the same way. And in time, someone will be left out, someone will have less attention than they feel they deserve."

She look at the floor slowly. "I don't...I don't think poorly of you for your choices. You live as you desire, and you live it with honesty and a surprising amount of dignity. I find it interesting. I find it very interesting. But I...can't do that. I can't open up completely, not knowing if the other individual is with me 100 percent."



Elijah
[Wp: I'm okay.]

Dice: 5 d10 TN7 (1, 1, 6, 9, 10) ( success x 2 )

Elijah
[aaaaand this totally doesn't bother me]

Dice: 7 d10 TN8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8) ( success x 1 )

Aionna
[Bull! It does! perc+emp]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (5, 6, 6, 7, 9) ( success x 4 )

Elijah
She doesn't think poorly of him, they're just... different.

They're quite different, all things considered, all things said, all things referenced and thought about. Elijah and Arionna are very different, and perhaps this was a conversation he should have thought to have privately. Perhaps this wasn't a conversation he should have somewhere like a library or somewhere that there wasn't water all around and he could feel the cracks in the pavement.

"You have to live a life that is yours," he said, with all the sincerity he had, "and I wouldn't want you to change."

All sincerity there.

He listens, takes in that she can't open up completely, not if someone else can't do the same thing. Thinks about what she had said before, what he'd told her. All the details, all the moments of honesty, all the things that mattered and oh heavens he'd said too much, given information, said things and... something would not be reciprocated. He smiles anyway, something that reaches his eyes but there's something else there.

"I'll stay the course, though. We can be friends, but I need to know how you define friendship."

This is the part that she sees through, the part he tries to hide but can't. He'll stay the course- proceed as he was. Be vulnerable because he prefers honesty, because he doesn't have that survival instinct, doesn't seek to minimize pain but to accept it. And if he's going to be friends with Arionna, by the nature of how she functions he accepts that he is going to hurt.

But damn if it doesn't take time to steel himself for impact.

Aionna
It would be much easier if she could be angry. It would be easier if it were someone else. Ian she can throw back whatever he throws at her, and of course, she already did. Alex...well ...she knew very little of him...and all the others? She could easily push back without a second thought. If she felt hurt, she'd toughen up, straighten her back, and throw back every punch, and then some.

Not Elijah though.

The worst part of it is, she can see how hurt he is. She can see how his soft nature has made it difficult for him to truly, truly, survive in the world. People will abuse you, throw you in the water if they can, but Elijah will take it all in stride.

Elijah might be ready to be punched in the heart, but Arionna look sat him for a long moment, her brows knitting slowly, and turns so she can keep him hidden with a long stream of her hair. It's for the only purpose of (attempting) to hide the fact that she was starting to cry.

It was quiet, as all cries are, at the beginning. Just tears. But then the sinuses open up, the tear ducts fill, and things pour out a bit more forcefully than they ought to. She lifts a hand and tries to wipe the liquid away without smudging her makeup (does it even matter Ms Goth?).

"I hate you, you know." There's no bite to it. "I knew better. I knew better than to deal with any of you in any other way than coldly. I knew better. Everyone else bit. Took it. And went away. I hate you for not doing that. Now I want to be around you. I want to talk to you. I want to do the things you do with Jenn. With everyone else. I want to hold your hand. I've never been with anyone, and I want to be with you. But I can't.  And I hate you for it, even if it's not your fault. "

She couldn't keep up with her own tears, and shifted to using the hem of her sleeve to catch them as they slipped down her cheeks. "I made the stupid, stupid mistake of even thinking I could have something for me. I know better. I know better."

Elijah
[WP: I swear to everything holy, I am okay]

Dice: 5 d10 TN8 (1, 2, 6, 6, 7) ( botch x 1 )

Elijah
They're at an aquarium. There's fish places and people are going about their business and the two young people in the middle of the place may as well be invisible for all that this plays out in so many days for so many different people. Someone just presumes they're breaking up. Or getting together. They need space. It's strange and awful to be surrounded by so many people and be so utterly alone.

He knows better, she turns and he knows how crying starts. Sees her hair hide her eyes and his stomach sinks, something makes his ribs ache and he steps in. He knows better, he knows he shouldn't be in her space but he isn't thinking and he's a sharp enough young man that he can tell that thishurts and he'd give anything to make it stop because he can't help it. He worries about her. Not because of her magic, not because of how angry she can be, but because of that. I made the stupid, stupid mistake of even thinking I could have something for me. I know better. I know better.

And he put his arms around her, held close and could tell how much smaller she was, could feel the similarities in the way she and Jenn feel, the differences because of the magic, because of the cold, because of the winter that creeps in. Because his mind knows better, but impulse does not. He expects for her to push back in some way, he expects for her to tell him to back off, to let go, to hit him, to run away and god damnit he doesn't want her to run away.

He does, though. Desperately, but stands there and stays and weathers the storm because Elijah Poirot isn't a coward, no matter how much he doesn't believe it.

"Don't say that," he insists, "you're not stupid, it wasn't a mistake, you're wrong, you're fucking wrong-" there's a hitch in his voice and his heart beat is irregular. His breathing is shallow and he thinks please don't run, please don't run and it's in every fiber of his countenance. "Whoever the fuck convinced you that you don't deserve to be happy is fucking wrong."

He falters again.

"I can be horrible if you need. I can storm out, be an asshole, I can make you hate me, genuinely fucking loathe me if it will make you stop crying. If it will make you realize you didn't make a mistake for wanting something for yourself."

He says something then, something that doesn't seem to have an analogue in a human language. Something quiet and whispered and shared and it just comes because it's one of the few things he'd strived to learn. He repeats, and then, "this is not a mistake. The world is infinite, we are infinite, and you deserve good things."

Aionna
[wp]

Dice: 4 d10 TN8 (2, 4, 5, 5) ( fail )

Aionna
Arionna freezes.

Her breathing shortens, grows shallower, and the her entire body simply comes to a halt. Her eyes widen as she listens, as she contends with the sudden show of affection. There is a conflict happening, between bolting and staying, and neither are in her control. Except that she can't seem to move much, and it's not because he's stronger than her, but because he just happens to be holding her. She lifts her hands up slowly, grabbing onto the fabric of his vest. To push right? But then there is the conflict. One instinct says to run. The other seems to embrace the sudden touch.

There is no reciprocation, but there is a light push of her fingers against him, as if to beg to come up for air, though she lacks the strength. Then she seems to squirm and thrash in his arms if only for a moment before freezing again. The tears haven't stopped, the crying continues on in small sobs. But now she's not sure if she's crying because she's scared, because of how she feels, or because she's restrained.

She thrashes again, letting out a small sound that exists somewhere between a whine, and a growl. Then she calms again, seemingly, her breath quickening. Her grasp lightens until she lets her arms fall down to her sides. Wait it out. Like an animal that pretends it's dead. Just wait it out.

"No." It comes out in a whisper. "No. I'm meant to be on my own. I'll always be alone. Always. "

"Please let go."

Elijah
There's a push, a whine, a growl and he lets go, pulls back and looks mortified. His cheeks pale, his breathing uneasy and a dawning realization that he'd screwed up, that he knew he had done wrong just by acting. He lets go, he pulls back and there is a moment that is almost dawning horror. Like he'd lost himself and hit her for all the damage he could have done just by holding her, just by wanting and he knew....

There is a moment of silence, and he steps back.

"I'm sorry," he says. There's silence and he steps back again, because space is respect, because- because he can't be here anymore.

"I'm sorry, I have to go now."

Coward.

Aionna
He has to go.

At that moment, neither of them can seem to shove their emotions in a bottle and pretend. One has to wonder exactly which point it began to turn from a nice walk to something like this.

"Go." Is what she manages. What else is there to say? An hour ago it could have been easy to know, but now? "Just go."

She stands still for a moment longer. It's enough to collect herself, just enough so she can begin to move. She grabs at the strap of her bag, clutching it like a security blanket, and turns, slowly, to begin her own path away from him. There is no reason. She's acting on impulse, dull, numb impulse to simply move. Later she might regret it, but for now...

Now she just leaves.

My place or yours?

Elijah

Beta wasn't normally open on Tuesdays.

To be fair, most places weren't open on Tuesdays, but there was a very specific DJ who had come into town and it was a one night affair. Lotus did what she wanted, frankly, and on the electronic music scene she could walk into a club and say I'm going to play tonight because I want to play, just let me use your equipment, and Beta was more than happy to make an exception to their normally inflexible schedule.

How Elijah had gotten into Beta was a different story. Normally, this was the kind of place that did check IDs and had seen a fair number of fakes, but he managed to get in with little more than a flash of his picture and some disarming, harmless smile because, surely, he had to be twenty one. Surely, he had to be old enough to drink because the bouncers recognized him and didn't think twice about it. His ruse had worked once before to get into Beta so why wouldn't it work again tonight? That was the big question, the fifty thousand dollar question  if we are going to put price values on what is going on.

He was out to move.

He was living between places, maintaining a residence both with Kalen and with Jenn because he hadn't had the nerve to explain to Kalen that he had to explain the nature of reality to Jenn and it was really important that he stay with her so she understood that the worlds were separate and that nothing weird was going to happen to her but goddamnit please don't tell anybody because this could be really bad really fast and Jenn was a discreet creature so he didn't even know why he was stressing about it but there was a Ginger post about Hermetics coming and the only thing on his mind at that juncture was how badly he screws up on a near monthly basis and how he was going to cover this and spin it so that Kalen didn't look bad for having an errant apprentice and god fucking damnit he was going to get drunk and fuck and dance until the barrier between his brain and his body dissolved and the only thing that mattered was his pulse and the breath in his lungs and the sensation of fabric against his skin.

There was a sort of hipster chic when it came to putting Elijah in clothes. Button up shirt, vest, some nondescript pants that made him seem like he was some investment banker who decided to party his ass off at the end of the day except he had about a dozen bracelets on one wrist, possibly to cover up the fact that it didn't quite move like the other, that he was protective of it when he was tired, that the body still remembered abuses long after the mind had come to terms with the past. He had on a couple of necklaces, something tucked into his shirt and likely there because he forgot he had them on.

He could still taste tequila on his lips and he could feel sound and he could feel strobe lights and fog. Breathed in a base line and was just going to be.

It was one of those days.

Ian

[Awareness]

Dice: 6 d10 TN6 (1, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10) ( success x 5 )

Elijah

There is a feeling.

At first, it is familiar, at first it comes in that feeling of unrest. It feels like a hurricane, not the eye but the storm itself and, at first, that is what peopler think. They think of it external, but it moves, that feeling, to something internal. It moves to the unrest in men's hearts before revolution, that strain that desperate upheaval and unrest but it is more now.

It reaches, now. That unrest is not merely unrest, but it is taken in a direction, any direction, pushing pulling more, more, more until there is nothing left. Until all that is left is a dream and a goal and some unreachable star like Don Quixote was reaching for. It is a yearning, it is a push, a drive, a direction when there wasn't one before.

No, this unrest has purpose. This unrest wants more.

[reposts]

Ian
They'd met in a club like this. Maybe they'd even met in this club. Dancing and eyeing each other like hungry animals. It seemed a long time ago now. Elijah was still new to the world in many ways. He was less new now, but Ian didn't know that yet. All he knew was that the DJ tonight was fucking impressive, and despite it being a Tuesday the club was pulsing with the kind of vibrant, visceral heartbeat that always made places like this feel like home to him.

There were different kinds of wild places. Some of them lived on mountain tops. Some of them hummed with electric energy.

He was in the crowd - dancing, of course. Ian was always dancing. On stage or in clubs or alone. He hadn't come with anyone, but there were people with him now. People who slithered and rolled and tapped their heels, who raised their arms and shut their eyes and laughed these muted, breathy sounds. The hair on the back of Ian's neck was damp with sweat. The strobing lights framed his profile in a deep purple glow. Just another face in the crowd: beautiful, human and wild.

And there was something playing along his senses. Tumbling and tumultuous like crashing waves - reaching and striving for something more. It was both new and familiar. When Ian opened his eyes, he scanned the expanse of the club until his eyes fell on Elijah, dancing not too far away. And just like that, Ian moved through the crowd, slipping between bodies until he came to stop at Elijah's side.

He had on a black cotton tank top and jeans. A light dusting of fine glitter painted the exposed skin on his arms and shoulders. Just enough to make the lines of his muscles shimmer when the light hit just right.

"Hey stranger." He had to lean in to be heard over the music.

Elijah
[dear god, please don't suck at dancing today.]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (1, 7, 8, 9) ( success x 4 ) [WP]

Elijah
Elijah Poirot is not a professional, but he moves like he has absolutely nothing to lose. Like he wants to be here. That he wants this, whatever thishappens to be and his heart beats with a baseline and some part of him wants to reach out with those bodies close and the pulse and the sensation of others and feel everything. Taste every interconnected line and give up the idea that there was anything that was a self and Heavens what would theOrder think?

Perhaps not the best thing he's learned from Kalen, but Elijah Poirot has learned to give precisely as many fucks as necessary (and no more) about what the Order of Hermes thought. What works in the field and what works in the books are two different things. He wasn't thinking about magic, he was thinking about barriers and how to break them.

Silly thing, doesn't realize still that this is how his magic works, how his view works, that he says it will because I said so. That things work because they are intended to work because they're truth and all the boundaries that are on a person are self-imposed, so why not push to the infinite? Why not feel everything? Why not taste and smell and touch and-

"Fuck-" he turns around and there's a smile on his face, appreciative light in his eyes and he feel sthe same but he feels different, he feels more. And he feels more, as though that were something that Elijah could do. He was aware of the world beyond even when he didn't know it was real. A blessing now that he realizes it's not a curse.

"Wow," is all he can say, laughs because it's natural and delight lights up those bright green eyes. "What's your name again?"

He grins, like he could ever forget what Ian's name was.

Elijah
(let's try again)

Elijah
Elijah Poirot is not a professional, but he moves like he has absolutely nothing to lose. Like he wants to be here. That he wants this, whatever thishappens to be and his heart beats with a baseline and some part of him wants to reach out with those bodies close and the pulse and the sensation of others and feel everything. Taste every interconnected line and give up the idea that there was anything that was a self and Heavens what would theOrder think?

Perhaps not the best thing he's learned from Kalen, but Elijah Poirot has learned to give precisely as many fucks as necessary (and no more) about what the Order of Hermes thought. What works in the field and what works in the books are two different things. He wasn't thinking about magic, he was thinking about barriers and how to break them.

Silly thing, doesn't realize still that this is how his magic works, how his view works, that he says it will because I said so. That things work because they are intended to work because they're truth and all the boundaries that are on a person are self-imposed, so why not push to the infinite? Why not feel everything? Why not taste and smell and touch and-

"Fuck-" he turns around and there's a smile on his face, appreciative light in his eyes and he feel sthe same but he feels different, he feels more. And he feels more, as though that were something that Elijah could do. He was aware of the world beyond even when he didn't know it was real. A blessing now that he realizes it's not a curse.

"Wow," is all he can say, laughs because it's natural and delight lights up those bright green eyes. "What's your name again?"

He grins, like he could ever forget what Ian's name was.

Ian
Ian rolled his eyes, grinning. His lips parted when he breathed, showing off the perfect sharp lines of his teeth. He picked up the flow of Elijah's movement and matched it instinctively, dancing with him as the pulse of the music washed over them in waves. The scent of alcohol and skin and sweat and the mingling varieties of perfume and body sprays mixed together in the air. Ian smelled like something a little dusky and exotic - hints of woody spice and amber with citrus top-notes.

"Have any interesting dreams lately?"

They'd both been rather busy, evidently. Ian with his show. Elijah with... something a bit more difficult to define.

Elijah
[odds- good, evens, baaaaaaad]

Dice: 1 d10 TN6 (8) ( success x 1 )

Elijah
Ian smelled fantastic.

He didn't realize he would miss how Ian smelled, but he did. He inhaled and there was something very distinctly him, something that kept the grin on his face. He had the kind of skill that he could adapt, he could move, he could highlight and low light and do whatever he pleased because Ian Lai spoke a language that resided in the curve of his spine and the line in his arms.

"Aside from the internal get the fuck over yourself, I have had an interesting dream," he replied.

But he doesn't seem scared of it, just a little lost, just a little pensive, just there and moving and thinking of it all and how familiar it was. How it felt on his mind and how it moved through his imagination and how he hadn't woken up in a cold sweat but he had woken up thinking my, how familiar. But he had woken up thinking a number of things.

Maybe that was why he was out tonight. Maybe that was part of it, because he had so many things to push away and let go of and here was a place that he could let go.

"It was meta as fuck, I dreamed that this- all of this? That it's just been a hallucination. All these adventures and people I've met were all just things to keep my brain occupied while I was waiting for something and I didn't know what I was waiting for but it tasted like dread."

A beat.

"Have you seen Brazil? It was kind of like Brazil."

Ian
They were so different sometimes.

The flow of their bodies with the music was organic. Ian never really had to think about this kind of dancing. It just moved through him. But when Elijah said the word hallucination, the perfect flow of their rhythm fell just a half-beat out of sync.

"Yeah," he said. Because he had seen Brazil.

"I'm not a hallucination, Elijah."

Elijah
"I don't think I could come up with you if I tried," he admitted, "you're kind of fucking extraordinary."

Elijah was there, was present, and the rhythm might have been a little off-sync but he did stop, did hang just enough to catch up.

"I've also had dreams about you, but they're not for polite company. Because you have fantasies and what if moments and thoughts that I'd be more than willing to share," he grinned a little wider, came closer into Ian's space and almost touched, almost barely made contact but very clearly, very deliberately, very intentionally was not.

"Personally, I prefer to think of that as more premonition than fantasy. Not a what if, but more of a when."

Ian
"Now you're just being cocky," Ian replied with a sharp grin. But whatever momentary upset there'd been between them, it smoothed over. Ian was seldom off-balance for long. "But thanks. For the compliment."

Elijah was there - warm and tangible and so very close - and without thinking, Ian bridged the space between them, grabbing Elijah by the hips to draw him in against the line of his body.

"I ran into your girlfriend the other day." (Elijah didn't have a girlfriend - or did he? It had been awhile.)

Elijah
Now you're just being cocky.
"Have I mastered this hubris thing yet? I've been practicing."

He laughed, something genuine and pleased and whatever had been there, whatever glitch and momentary doubt that this wasn't real (always there, always lurking, always quiet at the back of his mind- Elijah has no idea how tenuous his grasp on reality is. Things he suspects, but doesn't truly fathom the depth. It isn't madness, it's something more...) Though there was the moment, he stopped just long enough to go through a list of whomight be his girlfriend.

But he had nothing.

"Are you talking about Jenn?"


Ian
"Arionna," Ian corrected. And just in case Elijah thought to take him seriously, he added, "I was kidding. But she does like you."

One of Ian's hands slid around to rest at the dip of Elijah's spine. A little lower, and the tips of his fingers dragged over the curve of his ass. Then back up. Around. To the front of Elijah's stomach where Ian's fingers caught and played with the edge of Elijah's belt - pulling on it a little.

"She doesn't like me so much. Though she did imply I'd make a good sperm donor." After a beat his expression sobered slightly. "Someone should probably check in with her."

Was he actually expressing concern? If so, it felt a little muted. And there was his hand doing things that did not quite fall in line with his words.

Elijah
His hands move, pulled in close and his hips were against Ian's and he was just as lean and just as filled with potential as he had been before, that potential still pushing to become kinetic. That potential now had direction. He's the start of a revolution, Elijah is. So, he pulls in with his hips against Ian's and his heart beating loud and fast in his ears and it's hard to focus, because words don't always sync with motion.

He pulled in and his hand trailed, over his neckline, down his chest, and if left to his own devices he'd likely have his hand up Ian's shirt- skin against skin- if he had his way. His breath shudders, and the smile on his lips hints at coy, but Elijah was never good at being coy, now was he?

Ari doesn't like Ian so much, though.

Ari doesn't like a lot of people, all things said.

"I'll check in, I've got her number," he said, expression sober and forced to be in the moment instead of going with what his body so verydesperately wanted. His eyes stayed closed, the world could fall apart and he didn't care.

"She's very... if all you have is a hammer, all your problems look like nails. Everything's one way and can only be one way and it must be really alienating. She does it to herself," sympathetic, but not too far.

His eyes opened, breath caught and gaze locked with Ian's for a second, just enough to relay desire. Just long enough to relay that there were twenty things he would rather be doing right now and most of them involved Ian.

Ian
[Can we beat 4 successes? I dunno, man. That's a lot. (-1 diff from ability aptitude)]
Dice: 8 d10 TN5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10) ( success x 6 ) Re-rolls: 1 [WP]
Ian
Elijah didn't want to think about Arionna. He didn't want to think about much of anything, really, except for the pulse and flow of the music and the heady presence of Ian's body pressed against him. Perhaps he could be forgiven for that, given the atmosphere. Ian didn't respond to Elijah's assessment of Arionna's personality. Perhaps he didn't feel that it warranted further discussion.
Elijah had his hand up under Ian's shirt, feeling the solid warmth of his back. Ian could have stayed there. Could have let that hand wander where it wished. But after a few seconds he pulled away, releasing his hold on Elijah so they might both have room to dance their way further into the crowd. Elijah's moves were impressive tonight, free and fluid and lost to the music. Ian answered that challenge as one might expect.

There was a shift. One song blended into the next and the beat went dark and heavy, and Ian threw back his head and closed his eyes as he sucked in a deep breath. Then his body did this thing where it just... rippled. A flow of motion that started in his hips and slid back and forth up the length of his spine. Then he stopped... and flipped back onto his hands, rolling into a floor position briefly before he came back up and shot Elijah a quick smile. Other people moved back to allow the them a bubble of space, watching Ian and Elijah with appreciative glances.

And after that, Ian just danced - forgetting for a time that he ever wanted to do anything else. The lights were shifting and ethereal, and beneath them he looked primal and beautiful and unrestrained.
Finally he leaned in and murmured, "Want to get out of here?"

Elijah
He doesn't know this yet, but Elijah is going to have a heart to heart with Arionna later. He doesn't know this yet, but he's going to ask things of her and they'll make leaps and bounds and discuss trust and change and find that maybe they aren't that different. There will be plenty of exploration, a moment of insight, something that could even help deal with some of the things Elijah was trying to avoid by being here tonight- or maybe he wasn't trying to avoid anything.

Sometimes, he came places not because he wanted to forget other things. Not all of Elijah Poirot's decisions came from a solid need for escapism, but in truth he wasn't wanting to think about Arionna. He wasn't wanting to think pretty much about anything except just being and feeling.

Dancing with Ian was like that. Freeing but insightful. Elijah was on his game tonight, but Ian? Ian was breathtaking. There wasn't a hitch, there wasn't a moment where he stopped to just appreciate. No, this was movement. This was reverence, this was music and his heart beat loud and he felt at the very verge of tasting the universe without having to even push on the strands and feel against that barrier because there was no barrier. Because there was no line, no division. He had a love affair with language, with words and Words and things that were symbols and movement was its own poetry and Ian was fucking Shakespeare.

Elijah shot him a smile, something unrestrained. Something that was unbridled joy. Uncomplicated.
He pushes himself. The way he moves, the choices he makes, always seeking his edges and seeing how much further he could go. He danced and his heart raced, pounded with a thick and impressive bassline. eventually, Ian does lean in, does speak when Elijah thinks his heart may give out and thinks he may have had enough but he will push further. It's not exhaustion yet. He can still stand, still think, still reason. He's not done with tonight.

"Mine or yours?" he asked, the answer clear enough- Elijah would clearly like a change of scenery.

Ian
Ian didn't say anything. He just smiled all sharp and hungry and led Elijah off the dance floor and out into the cool night air. There was nothing he needed to collect. No tab he needed to pay. So there was nothing to impede their progress out to Ian's car. For a moment, when they got there, he closed his eyes and focused on the way the breeze touched his neck, letting the moment downshift to something quieter. Then he got into the car and opened the door for Elijah.

He took them to Elijah's place. Maybe Ian didn't really want to go home.

When they arrived, Ian followed Elijah inside and paused to look around. It'd been awhile since he'd visited. Not since... that party? It seemed an age ago, now.

Elijah
There's not a coffee table anymore.

Not that the coffee table was particularly impressive to begin with, but there wasn't a coffee table anymore on account of the fact that Elijah and Jenn recently broke the coffee table. It was actually a more interesting story, but he wasn't particularly caring about the fact that they broke the table at this juncture. Some things have changed.

There's decidedly more evidence of Jenn there than Elijah. There's art on the walls and some things are shelf high and some low and it's like some overpacked gallery and there's little bits of everything and one of the exposed brick walls is covered in color and movement and light. It had to be Jenn, because there were houseplants in the living room now and Elijah could barely keep a plastic fish alive.

There's a new bed upstairs. Something with posts and something that looked like it was a work of art or a work in progress or something to that effect. Metal branches, tiny leaves, synthetic nature. They finally fixed the stairs and the floor seems to look better. Overall, there's been work done. Overall, the apartment looks like the kind of place that might get the rent raised in a couple months if they don't make the place look like shit really damn quickly.

"I bought a bed instead of a car," he admits, grins like he isn't ashamed. Started up the stairs with a mischievous expression. He still got a lot of use out of the place, even if he did stay with Kalen.

Ian
Most people would look at Elijah's new bed frame and think about how pretty it was. About the kind of craftsmanship needed to create it. And Ian did think those things, in passing. But what he said when he reached the stop of the spiral staircase was, "That's going to make a lot of noise."

It didn't seem to deter him though, as he sat down on the bed and leaned over to pull his shoes off.
"What do you want to do?" he asked, as though there was really a question. Maybe he was looking for specifics. There was a light cant of his head before he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off.

Elijah
That's going to make a lot of noise.
"Oh, it's noisy as fuck," he said with a laugh, "I feel bad for my neighbors."

He doesn't feel bad for his neighbors. He never feels bad for his neighbors.

Though there was the question of what he wanted, what he wanted to do and that was quite a question indeed. He was in the middle of taking off his vest, in putting the pocketwatch on the bedside table like it was something special and the rest of the world could fall apart so long as he knew precisely where that watch was, Elijah would be fine.

But there was a moment where he toyed with the buttons on his shirt, kept his attention on Ian and his motions were deliberate and his pace slow for a reason because it gave him time to put words into actions. "Do you remember when I called you over Thanksgiving?"

He doesn't leave much time for thinking, because clearly Elijah remembered, "I very distinctly remember you saying that, should I be amenable-" and the south just drips from his voice and buttons slowly pop away and shirt comes open to be discarded soon enough but not yet "-you might just tie my hands behind my back, fuck me with my head against the bed and you may just leave a mark, if I were amenable."

His attention went to his belt, "I want to taste every blessed inch of your skin, map the differences that I can find since the last time I saw you. I want you to fuck me so hard that I lose the English language, and I want to take anything you give me and say thank you. I want to feel your body seize up when you're at the edge of cumming, I want to fight for clear headedness because you touching me only conjures up more, yes, now."

He grinned, "had me hard as diamonds, Ian. Arguably, that was one of the few highlights of the Thanksgiving vacation."

Ian
[Strength+Athletics]
Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (2, 2, 3, 6, 9, 9, 10) ( success x 4 )

Elijah
[Strength+athletics? He doesn't even have enough dice for this]
Dice: 3 d10 TN6 (2, 4, 10) ( success x 1 )

Ian
Did he remember? Arguably, Ian said things like that to a lot of people. And whether or not he meant them in the moment, he might just as well change his mind later. Sexual whims were just that - whims. He'd been distracting himself then. (He was distracting himself now.)

He didn't have anything to tie Elijah's hands with.

Ian watched Elijah's fingers move over the buttons on his shirt. After a while he stood up, closing the distance between them. His movements seemed slow and relaxed. Hardly the intense, primal creature that Elijah's words painted him to be. But then their eyes met, and just like that moment on the dance floor when the music changed, something... clicked.

(Cats attacked like that. But this was hardly an attack.)

He had his arms around Elijah's torso, gripping him roughly as he pulled him over to the bed. Elijah didn't have his shirt off yet, but Ian's fingers dug into the bared skin just below his ribs. He hauled Elijah off the ground and tossed him onto the mattress, which bounced a couple of times as the iron frame creaked and shivered. Ian was on the bed a second later, crouching down over Elijah as he pinned him face-first against the mattress.

"The wrist-cuffs will have to wait, but I think I can manage the rest." Ian wound his fingers into Elijah's hair and pulled it out of his way. There was pressure as his teeth found their mark on the back Elijah's neck, biting just hard enough to make it feel like a promise for more.

Elijah
He was a primal sort, Ian. Their eyes met for a second and his guard was down, and whatever Elijah was expecting he certainly wasn't expecting this. And there was a moment that things went to instinct, that Ian pounced and his first thought was to push back. Because no matter how much he wanted this, Elijah was never the type to just silently acquiesce. He wasn't passive.

The movement was fast and his breath caught in his lungs and this was sensation. It was awareness of being in the moment. He bounced, almost sprawling, pushing back, a protest that wasn't actually much of a protest. And there was that wordless promise given with the sensation of warm air and teeth that are just a tad too sharp and perfect- there would be more to come. "Je suis un cochonne chanceux- vous êtes exquise au delà de la mesure."

There was that grin on his face, one of wanton and unfaltering approval.

It was different this time, Elijah's interests and his desires for something beyond sensation, beyond the moment, and Ian did not disappoint, could not disappoint because it simply did not seem to be in his nature. Hardly even a possibility. He pushes and Elijah pushes back, tests the limits and the edges of his own boundaries, of his own tolerance, of what he can do until his body simply will not take anymore.

And there was a moment when the world gave way, when words stopped being words, when English was gone and he barely had the focus for French, until the world faded into just sounds and wordless approval. Until the world was less reason and more instinct and movement became its own language and damned if Ian Lai's body wasn't eloquent.  He was such a visual creature and to have the world reduced to movement and sensation was invigorating, exhilarating, and time ceased to be a factor.
As with all things, the evening does end. He pushed until he couldn't push anymore, until he was beyond exhausted, until all he could process was every blown out nerve ending and every pinprick moment of starlight and he could hardly focus beyond what was right next to him.

Covered in sweat, gasping for air, accepting that composure simply would not come to him, Elijah looked at Ian, hand on his chest and his own heartbeat trying to struggle back to normalcy.
"Merci," is all that comes from his lips. The last coherent thing Elijah likely says for the rest of the evening before exhaustion and elation overtake him.